Accidental Discipleship: Habits Your Kids Pick Up From You

The other day, my kids and I were sitting at Wendy’s when all of the sudden my oldest sat straight up and said, “We need to pray!”  I know I gave her the strangest look until I heard it. In the distance there were sirens but they were getting closer.  For as long as I can remember, whenever we’ve been driving and I heard sirens or saw an emergency vehicle on the road, I would say, “Kids, hold up, we need to pray!”  On this day, she heard the “call to prayer” before me and instinctively announced that is was time to pray.

dadsonOur kids are watching us, but they are doing more than that; they are
copying us. Like a serious game of “Simon Says” our children are learning from our actions what is normal in life.

For my kids, it is normal to pray when you see an ambulance or fire truck. It’s just what we do.  Recognizing this anew, I realize that my kids have fallen into some other habits of mine too. In fact, if I stop and watch them, I can see myself and my husband in many of their conversations, their actions, their reactions and their routines. Some of these habits are wonderful!  Some of them make me cringe a little bit.

It’s a good reminder that whatever we do, we are teaching and discipling, even if we don’t think we are. If we can find just a few spots to be intentional about creating a healthy, faith-formational habits for our kids to emulate, it can go a long way in establishing some instincts that will, for a lifetime, turn their hearts towards Christ. 

Want some ideas?  I talked with several parents and ministers whose kids I see have some great healthy habits and asked them for some practical thoughts I could pass on to others. Here are three quick ideas that can become habits in and beyond your home.

Pray before Meals

Many people do this anyway although over the past few years I’ve heard more criticism of this practice. Some have told me that it is too “religious” and lacks sincerity so they prefer not to “force their kids” to pray at dinner.  But can I propose this thought?  If you do not treat the prayer as something rote and religious, but you take the time to genuinely stop for a moment and thank God not just for the food you have but also the life and family you’ve been given, your kids will pick that heart behind the prayer up from you.

It’s less about the words and even then action, then the meaning and motivation behind it. Taking a moment to stop, breathe, thank God for his blessings can be done anywhere, but why not before a meal when you are gathered with family and blessed with provision?  And what a great heart habit to pass to your kids right from the start!

Celebrate..often!

One parent told me, “Whenever someone does something well, shows kindness, or has a personal victory, we all stop and cheer for that person.”  Our family calls this our “30 Second Celebration” and we do the “Oh Yeah Dance” as a unit to celebrate with each other.  It’s silly, it’s goofy, and it’s oh-so-important because the habit of affirmation and recognition we are forming means they won’t have to go looking for it somewhere else.

Celebrations bring us back. They connect us to moments that we don’t tend to forget. They provide us a place to point to and say, “That is where I belong.”  Yes, something as simple as congratulating your child for a job well done can create a culture of joy and a habit of encouragement that they will return to throughout life. How awesome would it be if you saw your grown child stop and cheer someone on when they see them doing something well?  Encouragement as a habit? Sounds good to me!

Go to Church

Oh come on now, that’s a given right?  Not so. Today a regular attendee at church is defined by someone who attends church once or twice a month. The number one reason the church attendance is declining in America is because the frequency of attendees is dropping (Source: Thom Ranier). There are a plethora of reasons for this and I’m not going to address those here, but I am going to encourage us to consider this: In Hebrews the author is clear about one habit we shouldn’t pass on to our kids – “not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but instead encouraging one another all the more” (Heb. 10:25).

If for some reason you are unable to attend church at the provided times, find some other way to “meet together” with other believers to worship, pray and fellowship so that your children see that it is a habit of yours to spend time growing your faith in community. The Christian walk was never designed to be done alone and modeling that for your kids can give them a solid foundation for their future needs.

John Roberto, editor of Lifelong Faith Journal, shares that “By  normal  processes of  socialization,  and   unless  other  significant  forces  intervene,  more  than  what  parents  might  say they  want as   religious  outcomes  of  their  children,  most  parents likely will  end  up  getting religiously of   their  children  what  they  themselves  are.

On other words…what we as parents DO as believers will speak leaps and bounds more to our kids than what we say. Parents are the greatest influence, the habit formers. Use your power for good.

“Children are great imitators. Give them something great to imitate.”


Join the conversation on Facebook at ReFocus Family and Intergen Ministry.

For more information about practical discipleship in the home or transitioning to a more home-focused ministry at your church, go to ReFocus Ministry or “like” our Facebook page.

About the author

familyChristina Embree is wife to Pastor Luke, mom to three wonderful kids, and family minister at Nicholasville UMC. She is passionate about seeing churches partneringsmallbadge with families to encourage faith formation at home and equipping parents to disciple their kids in the faith. Currently studying Family, Youth and Children’s Ministry at Wesley Seminary, she also blogs at www.refocusministry.org and is a contributing blogger at ChildrensMinistryBlog.com, Seedbed, and D6 Family.

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3 thoughts on “Accidental Discipleship: Habits Your Kids Pick Up From You

  1. Pingback: This Week’s Links « Timothy Siburg

  2. Pingback: Not so accidental discipleship – 1 | Love for A Lifetime

  3. Pingback: Not so accidental discipleship – 2 | Love for A Lifetime

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