All the Reasons Why Kids Shouldn’t Go to Church

Tis the Season for Christmas Family Services; that joyous time of year where children are allowed to go to church.

“Whew… coming on a little strong, aren’t you, Christina?”

Perhaps…but lately I’ve seen a significant number of posts and comments that are encouraging that children be invited into the Sunday morning service for Christmas activities but making it clear that children are only welcome in that space on special occasions. In fact, often listed out in the comments or even in the post itself are a list of reasons why children shouldn’t be included in normal worship times but should be there on special occasions like Christmas.

So let’s unpack these a little bit. What are all the reasons why children, adolescents, and youth shouldn’t attend worship on regular Sunday morning worship times?

  1. Children should be able to worship in an age-appropriate space and Sunday mornings are geared toward ADULTS
  2. Children need to have fun at church so that they have good experiences and keep wanting to come even when they are older and go to the ADULT service.
  3. Children are a distraction from ADULTS in worship service.
  4. Children have certain developmental abilities and needs that can’t be met in a the ADULT service.

Actually, I almost agree with all of these things. It is hard for children to be included in a space that is specifically and intentionally designed only for adults.

I just don’t think Sunday morning should be that place.

Church is the place where the community of faith gathers together for the purpose of worship, service, Scripture, and support. The Church is the body of Christ and includes all people who follow Jesus and desire to be his disciple (no age or development restriction applied). The Church is a diverse body where each part makes up the whole and finds its identity in Jesus. The gathered community is a place where all should find space to participate and grow as members of that body.

Since when did our time of worship on Sunday morning of all times become a place that is only available to adults?

Who decided that the MAIN time of our gathering, the central moment for most worshipping communities to gather together, would be specifically and intentionally designed for only one age group?

Why did that sacred time of communal worship and congregational togetherness become a place that was “geared to adults”, the “adult service”, and where children are deemed a distraction?

To be clear, as I always state in my blogs, I am NOT opposed to age-sensitive spaces for both learning and worship BUT if we consistently gather as a community together as the church and insist that our central time of gathering is for adults-only and gear all of our energy towards one age group… how can we be suprised when they one we haven’t invited into that space, leaves?

“But what about kids church?”

What about it? There’s absolutely nothing “wrong” with kids church. But pulling kids OUT of the central place of worship with their worshipping community on a consistent basis is also pulling them out of the place of relationship-building, name-saying, communal-praying, and gift-giving. Kid’s Church might teach the how to sing songs and memorize verses but it cannot teach children to be a part of a multigenerational body, an intergenerational community, building the means to establish lifelong bonds of generational discipleship.

In fact, if it serves to replace the larger gathered time of worship, it can do the exact opposite. It can create divisions and gaps in relationships that segregate and separate generations.

All the reasons children shouldn’t go to church can be narrowed down to one:

We don’t want them there.

We don’t want to create a worship service that intentionally and specifically incorporates every generation every single Sunday. We want an adult worship space sans distraction. We want a space that is exclusively an adult worship service and we want that space to be Sunday morning.

We don’t want Sunday morning to be a time where all ages can gather to worship. We don’t want to create age-specific ministries geared at specific ages during other times of the week. We are content to cater to adults on Sunday morning, pull children and youth away for their own age-appropriate ministries, and rarely if ever create space for worshiping communities to gather across generations to learn, love, and live together.

It takes work. As evidenced by the posts and comments on all the ways to make the Christmas services “kid-friendly.”

It requires grace as mentioned by commenters that have to ask adults to offer grace to the kids and parents “just this once.”

It requires humility, understanding that when Jesus said we could learn from children, it wasn’t metaphoric and we need to be in spaces where we can learn from them.

It requires leaving behind a mindset we may have always known that says children have their place and we have ours and we don’t belong in worshiping spaces together.

If children aren’t in our worship services on a consistent basis, there is only one reason why they are not there. We, the adults, don’t want them there. And that’s where we need to start. When Sunday morning stops being an adult service, it starts being a place for the church to gather together, children and youth, young adults and senior adults, all generations together – the body of Christ.




Is Your Church READY to Gather Together?

Are you interested in moving your church from a traditional, age-segregated into a more family-focused, intergenerational focus, connecting the home and the church?  

Refocus Ministry would be happy to begin a conversation with your team and church about the how your church can grow in serving the families of your church and community and connecting your faith community in relationship with each other.  

Ongoing coaching through various means is also available as your church continues the transition including weekly emails, monthly on-line trainings, and continued conversations. In addition to one-on-one coaching calls and follow-up resources, the following large-group presentations can be made available to your team, pastoral staff, or congregation.

Options to choose from for these presentations include:

  1. Presenting on a Sunday morning to your worship service(s)
  2. A parent webinar on Everyday Discipleship and partnering with the church community
  3. A presentation on Connecting Generations (importance, need, Biblical foundation) for your leadership team
  4. A training on a specific area of ministry such as Family VBS, Partnering with Parents, Equipping Volunteers, Creating an Intergenerational Culture for your ministry or leadership team.
  5. OTHER We will work to create a presentation that best suits your community’s needs

Use the contact form below to receive a customized quote for your congregations needs. We look forward to journeying with you to make Psalm 145, one generation to another, part of our church’s DNA.




For more information about

Check out to ReFocus Ministry or “like” our Facebook page. Join our conversation at theReFocus Family and Intergen Ministry group on Facebook.

About this Blog

Refocus Ministry was started by Christina Embree, wife to Pastor Luke, mom to three wonderful kids, and church planter at Plowshares BIC. She also serves as the Minister of Generational Discipleship with the Great Lakes Conference of the Brethren in Christ.

With years of experience in family ministry and children’s ministry, she is passionate about seeing churches partnering with families to encourage faith formation at home and equipping parents to disciple their kids in the faith. She recently graduated with a Masters of Arts in Ministry focusing on Family, Youth and Children’s Ministry at Wesley Seminary, she also blogs at www.refocusministry.org and is a contributing blogger at D6 Family, ChurchLeaders.com, and Seedbed.

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