Connect Generations: An Invitation to Join the Research

Scripture and research demonstrate how important it is to connect generations in meaningful relationship both at church and at home. For the last eight years, ReFocus Ministry has been committed to helping you find ways to connect those generations at church and at home.

We are excited to announce an opportunity for you and your church to be part of a new research study that will increase our understanding of how generational discipleship is experienced in our faith communities. As a fellow minister, you are in an ideal position to give us valuable first hand information from your own perspective.

ReFocus Ministry founder, Christina Embree, will be conducting this study which will include a guided survey assessment and a brief follow-up interview. By participating in this research, your church will be taking the initiative to identify places where these important intergenerational relationships can be cultivated, nurtured, and grow in your faith community. This project is meant to be a journey of discovery for you as much as it is a tool for assessment and research.

As a participant, you would be completing a guided generational discipleship survey of your faith community which should take no more than one week. Following completion of the survey, you will participate in a one-hour long interview with the researcher (Christina). That’s it! At the end of the research project, each participating church will have the opportunity to receive a FREE follow-up coaching session with ReFocus Ministry.

If you are interested in applying for this opportunity, you can apply online here:  https://forms.gle/x9LQT9W62z6PnAqH9

For the purpose of this research project, participants will be chosen using the following criteria: Location (within North America), Denomination (Protestant), and Size (a variety of church sizes will be chosen).  A total of 10-12 churches will be selected by the research team.

For more information or further inquiries, you are invited to email Christina at christina@refocusministry.org.

Thank you for giving of your time and your heart to uncover opportunities for greater connection and more intentional community in your church.


Looking for a resource for Summer 2022 to keep your families and your congregation connected and building meaningful relationships?

Fill out the contact form below to receive a resource created by ReFocus Ministry that includes ways to help families connect, create discipleship opportunities for children and youth, build intergenerational connections, and recommendations for four resources that will help you grow and learn more about faith formation at church and at home.

Simply put “Summer Resource Packet” in the Message block, and we will send a PDF your way!


For more information about

Check out to ReFocus Ministry or “like” our Facebook page. Join our conversation at theReFocus Family and Intergen Ministry group on Facebook.

About this Blog

Refocus Ministry was founded by Christina Embree in 2014 as a blog and now a nonprofit coaching and consulting ministry. Christina serves with her husband Luke and three children as church planters and pastors at Plowshares BIC. She speaks conferences and churches around the globe and also serves as the Minister of Generational Discipleship with the Great Lakes Conference of the Brethren in Christ.

My Kid Doesn’t “Get Anything” Out of Church

Note from ReFocus:  Over the next few months, Christina will be working on her doctoral project and we will be sharing some of the top blog posts from the last decade. Of all Refocus Ministry’s posts over the last nine years, this one has by far been the most widely read and shared across a wide variety of platforms and media sources. Its relevance continues to spur us on to share the importance of welcoming children into our spaces of worship.

One common concern I often hear from parents and other adult church members about including children in the corporate worship setting is that kids won’t “get” anything out of the worship or the sermon.  From an adult perspective, there are certain things we want to walk away from church with such as a sense of having been in God’s presence or having learned something that will help us grow in our faith.  We presumably come to church for a reason and it is easy for us to assume those same reasons apply to our kids.

But they probably don’t.

You see your kids are young in their faith.  They don’t understand the desire for fellowship or the beauty of corporate worship or the need for continued learning and growth in their walk with Christ.  They go to church because they follow you to church; they are your disciples and they are learning what being a Christian looks like by watching and emulating you (if I were a psalmist, I’d write a “Selah” after that and encourage to to “stop and think about” that for a moment).

kid-church

So, parents often express this concern: 

My kids are only going to church because I make them.  It’s bad enough when they are going to Sunday School where they get to have fun but when they are just sitting in “big church” and they don’t get anything out of it, it seems rather pointless.

I get it, I do!  I have kids and I know that often the worship service is geared towards adults only and not applicable or appropriate for them (more about that here).  I too have struggled with the fact that they don’t seem to “get” anything out of those corporate times of gathering.  But I have also seen and read many studies that show definitively that these times of worship and learning in the midst of the larger congregation are one of the leading reasons for increased “stickiness” of faith in young adults.  Thus, there must be something to it, even if what they get out of church is not the same as what we adults “get” out of attending church service.

So, what is it?  What do little kids “get” out of going to “big church”?

1.  They get SEEN

I have been at churches where I have seen kids dropped off by parents in the Children’s Area as soon as they walk in the door and picked up as it is time to leave.  More than once I’ve heard it said in the hallway, “You have kids?  I had no idea!”  That makes my heart hurt.

It has been shown that one of the most important and meaningful thing for kids is that someone knows their name.  When kids are secluded from the congregation, not only are their names unknown, their faces aren’t even recognized.  They are for the most part a dismissible part of the church and wouldn’t be missed except by a few volunteers and staff members if they never came back… which is often exactly what happens when they are old enough to do so.

2. They get to SEE

One of the main ways that kids learn is through emulation by watching activities and actions and imitating them.  Every church I’ve been to has had its own form of liturgy or way to worship.  Some churches have prayers that are prayed each service. Some celebrate communion.  Some engage in corporate prayer, take up offerings, recite a creed, or have a time for sharing testimonies.  Some use hymnals, some projectors with contemporary praise and worship.  During the service, Scripture is read, Bibles are opened, and the Word comes to life.

All of these things are imperative for kids to be discipled in.  It may seem like they are not “getting” anything out of it, but they are learning and growing in those moments.  They are watching Mom and Dad and other adults they respect and trust show them how to worship. And if they don’t learn from the church, they will learn somewhere else.  The world has plenty of things to worship and are more than willing to teach kids how to do so.

3. They get EXPERIENCE

For a moment, I want you to think back on your own walk of faith.  Do you remember the first time you took communion?  Got baptized? Found a Scripture verse in the Bible by yourself? Put money in the offering plate?  Prayed at the altar?  Maybe even shared in front of church?

For many of us, those things happened in the context of congregational worship.  Now, I bet you did some of those things in Sunday School or Kids Church before you did them with the larger congregation, but I also bet there was something meaningful and affirming about doing it with the whole church. 

It would be naive to think that this is a simple or easy task. 

Kids are… kids.  Churches would be wise to find ways to make it easier to invite kids into worship (click here for more on this ).  Parents should be prepared for the inevitable eye rolls of boredom or occasional acting out and having to do follow-up after the service to reinforce what was taught.

But I firmly believe these frustrations of the moment are far less painful than the alternative – a generation who is unknown, disengaged, and separated from the larger body of Christ.

By giving our children a place to be seen, to see, and to experience their faith with others, we give them so much more – we give them a foundation for their faith that will leave lasting impressions on their heart.


Looking for a resource for Summer 2022 to keep your families and your congregation connected and building meaningful relationships?

Fill out the contact form below to receive a resource created by ReFocus Ministry that includes ways to help families connect, create discipleship opportunities for children and youth, build intergenerational connections, and recommendations for four resources that will help you grow and learn more about faith formation at church and at home.

Simply put “Summer Resource Packet” in the Message block, and we will send a PDF your way!

For more information about

Check out to ReFocus Ministry or “like” our Facebook page. Join our conversation at theReFocus Family and Intergen Ministry group on Facebook.

About this Blog

Refocus Ministry was founded by Christina Embree in 2014 as a blog and now a nonprofit coaching and consulting ministry. Christina serves with her husband Luke and three children as church planters and pastors at Plowshares BIC. She speaks conferences and churches around the globe and also serves as the Minister of Generational Discipleship with the Great Lakes Conference of the Brethren in Christ.

An Update from ReFocus (And a Resource for Your Summer)

Hello Friends – It’s been a minute! We’ve had a few people reach out to us over the past few weeks wondering where our regular content has been. The good news is that there’s a lot of great stuff happening and that has impacted our regular output for blogs and new content. If you are a member of our supporter network, you received an email today from our Board of Directors but we wanted to share it here too.

Dear ReFocus Friends & Family,
 
As many of you know, an important part of ReFocus Ministry’s resources and research is the work being done by ReFocus founder, Christina Embree, in her Master’s in Ministry and Doctorate of Ministry work. We are excited to announce that she has now entered into the final leg of this long journey and will be completing her final research project and dissertation by the end of this year.
At the recommendation of the ReFocus Board of Directors, Christina will be taking a six-month sabbatical from her regular writing and coaching to complete her final stage of the program, including the presentation and defense of the final project. Once this is completed, she will return to ReFocus with even more resources and a FREE tried and tested tool for you to use in your churches and organizations. 

In the meantime, all of the existing resources will continue to be available on the website, and we will revisit some of the most popular articles and share on the ReFocus social media channels. If you are a current client or already have a consulting/coaching relationship with ReFocus, that will not end; all current commitments will be honored and we are excited to continue journeying with you. For the time being, ReFocus won’t be taking on new clients or hosting our regular webinars and cohort events. 

If you would like to continue to support ReFocus Ministry over the next six months, you can donate hereAll donations are tax deductible and a receipt will be provided for your records. As always, your continued prayers are just as important during this time of refinement and completion. 

We are excited about this next stage and can’t wait to see what emerges from the completion of the current research being done.

Blessings on your summer and thank you for your support!

The ReFocus Board of Directors
Sarah Flannery, Chair
Matthew Deprez, Treasurer
Krist Dutt, Secretary
Brett Meyer, Promotion & Marketing

You are invited to join us on this mission through your TAX DEDUCTIBLE DONATION!There are two main ways to give:Through our website: www.refocusministry.org (Click the Donate button).
This will allow you to set up a one-time donation or a monthly gift.Personal Check:  ReFocus Ministry c/o Christina Embree, 3518 Ramsgate Ct. Lexington KY 40503
Donate Online

A personal note from Christina:

A few weeks ago, I had the honor of presenting my research project proposal to Drs. Cory Seibel, Holly Allen, Abson Joseph and Colleen Derr. The ensuing conversation convinced me of the importance of the research I am doing and the impact it is going to have on intergenerational ministry and generational discipleship in our local churches.

The past few weeks I have been working on the revisions these trusted advisors recommended and have set into motion the wheels to begin my research this summer (Keep your eyes peeled because YOU might be able to join). It didn’t take me long to realize that the best thing I can do for ReFocus is to complete this work and I am blessed that the board has come to the same conclusion.

I’m still here, I’m still around, and I’m still excited about this work. I cannot wait to put the resource we are working on into your hands and watch what God does as we connect the generations for discipleship. This is the first time in 8 years that I have not written a weekly blog post for ReFocus and that feels weird and a bit odd, but I cannot wait to come back with a whole new set of tools, ideas, and opportunities for you. Thank you for your prayers and your support. See you soon!!


Looking for a resource for Summer 2022 to keep your families and your congregation connected and building meaningful relationships?

Fill out the contact form below to receive a resource created by ReFocus Ministry that includes ways to help families connect, create discipleship opportunities for children and youth, build intergenerational connections, and recommendations for four resources that will help you grow and learn more about faith formation at church and at home.

Simply put “Summer Resource Packet” in the Message block, and we will send a PDF your way!


For more information about

Check out to ReFocus Ministry or “like” our Facebook page. Join our conversation at theReFocus Family and Intergen Ministry group on Facebook.

About this Blog

Refocus Ministry was founded by Christina Embree in 2014 as a blog and now a nonprofit coaching and consulting ministry. Christina serves with her husband Luke and three children as church planters and pastors at Plowshares BIC. She speaks conferences and churches around the globe and also serves as the Minister of Generational Discipleship with the Great Lakes Conference of the Brethren in Christ.

What’s the Choice when the Options are Church or Family?

Last day of school!!!

It’s almost time for the rousing cry of May signaling the official start to summer is here.  Summer vacation means sleeping in, sunny days, water sports, sandy beaches, campfires, parades, and plenty of time with family and friends.

It also means that church attendance in the United States plummets.

Like seriously takes a nosedive.  Attendance becomes sporadic and spotty.  When school lets out for the summer, it seems like church does too.  The response of the church has been to cut programming (no Wednesday nights for the summer anyone?) and plan “fun events” like picnics and Vacation Bible School. And the post-Covid envirnonment just seems to amplify the concerns.

As a parent, I get it.  All year long our calendar is held captive by the school calendar that informs when we can go away and for how long.  Seeing extended family is difficult when you have two days to travel.  And spending quality time together can suffer.  So planning vacations and day trips during the summer months makes sense.

As a minister, I used to dread it.  It’s hard.  You develop relationships with kids and you have really cool things going like small groups and prayer teams and discipleship, and then, you don’t see them but off and on for weeks.  And then there is Vacation Bible School; don’t even get me started on that.  The sheer amount of time and effort that is put into pulling off a “successful” VBS event takes all the energy you have, so the regular programming starts to suffer.

I’ve seen some posts recently from children’s pastors around the country utterly discouraged by this attendance reality and frustrated and what seems like a lack of commitment and concern.  On the other hand, I’ve seen equally as many posts from parents excited about the cool things they have planned this summer to do as a family and the memories they are looking forward to making.

So who’s right?  What’s more important?  Family or church?

And therein, I believe, lies the problem.  Because of the “way” we do church (Sunday morning, Wednesday night and/or separate ministries for the family members), if someone misses one of these times, it leaves a gap; a sizable gap.  But families who want to spend these summer months together don’t want to come to a place where once again they are separated and unable to be with each other. So it becomes a choice – do I go with my family OR do I go to church?

Ugh.  Those choices kinda stink.

What ends up happening then is that when the opportunity arises by default of the summer school schedule to spend that quantity of quality time together, the choice becomes clear –family.  And when the default schedule makes finding that quantity of quality time together more difficult – church.

But I don’t think either of those reflect God’s heart for family or for church.  In fact, I think that it creates a tension where the two are opposed to each other rather than being in partnership with one another.  Where there should be mutual edification, there is instead unhealthy competition.  And let me be clear, this also takes place with sports, especially travel ball, and academics, especially academic teams, and friends, especially non-churchgoing friends.

And I don’t have all the answers, but I do know this.

Church isn’t supposed to be a building or a program or a set time in the week.  And family isn’t supposed to be vacations and softball games and straight As on report cards. 

Those things might be a part of what church and family are, but they are not supposed to define them.

The Bible is clear that what brings us together isn’t things and it isn’t programs and it isn’t activities.  What unites us is the Holy Spirit (I Cor. 6:17) and what holds us together is love (John 14:34-35). We are not supposed to make a habit of skipping out on our times of meeting with other believers, but we are supposed to be encouraging on another all the more (Heb. 10:25).  We (ministers explicitly) are also encouraged to ensure our homes are in order before taking care of the church and to love, honor, respect, and obey within our families (I Tim. 3:5).

It sounds to me like “church” looks less like meeting on Sunday and more like being in relationship with one another in and outside of a building and all week long, not just on Sunday.  It also looks like we are committed to one another in love and service so we strive to be together and not make a habit of letting things come between us, even good things and fun things and “family” things.

Ultimately I think it means we adopt of philosophy of “church” that is less about “ME” and more about “WE” – that we view the decisions we make not out of a cost-benefit analysis about what works best for us, but rather from a Kingdom mindset of what is best for Him.  Sometimes, this may mean you take your family on vacation.  Sometimes, it may mean you skip a game.  Sometimes it may mean that you meet outside of a building or on a different night.  Sometimes it may mean you cancel a program.

But IF it is about the kingdom of God and not about what works best with our schedules or our plans, it will bear fruit.  It will grow God’s kingdom in our families, our churches and our communities.

It won’t send a message that “church” is a choice that we can take or leave but that “church” is a life we choose to live in relationship with others.  And it won’t send a message that family is somehow less spiritual or less important but that family is an extension of the church in the broader community and in the home.

It’s not supposed to be a competition.  And whether we’ve made it that or the pace of modern world has made it that, I think it’s up to us, each and every one, to step back and see if we’ve adopted that mindset in any way.  Families, are you being the church in loving relationships, committed to the “WE” of God’s kingdom in the choices you make?  Ministers, are you supporting the family in partnering relationship, committed to the “WE” of God’s kingdom in the ministry you serve?

It can’t be about one or the other.  It has to be about ONE and no other.

“Be very careful then how you live – not as unwise, but as wise…understand what the Lord’s will is.” Eph 5:15,17


Are You Ready to Connect Generations?

Are you interested in moving your church from a traditional, age-segregated into a more family-focused, intergenerational focus, connecting the home and the church?  

Refocus Ministry would be happy to begin a conversation with your team and church about the how your church can grow in serving the families of your church and community and connecting your faith community in relationship with each other.  

Ongoing coaching through various means is also available as your church continues the transition including weekly emails, monthly on-line trainings, and continued conversations. In addition to one-on-one coaching calls and follow-up resources, the following large-group presentations can be made available to your team, pastoral staff, or congregation.

Options to choose from for these presentations include:

  1. Presenting on a Sunday morning to your worship service(s)
  2. A parent webinar on Everyday Discipleship and partnering with the church community
  3. A presentation on Connecting Generations (importance, need, Biblical foundation) for your leadership team
  4. A training on a specific area of ministry such as Family VBS, Partnering with Parents, Equipping Volunteers, Creating an Intergenerational Culture for your ministry or leadership team.
  5. OTHER We will work to create a presentation that best suits your community’s needs

Use the contact form below to receive a customized quote for your congregations needs. We look forward to journeying with you to make Psalm 145, one generation to another, part of our church’s DNA.


For more information about

Check out to ReFocus Ministry or “like” our Facebook page. Join our conversation at theReFocus Family and Intergen Ministry group on Facebook.

About this Blog

Refocus Ministry was founded by Christina Embree in 2014 as a blog and now a nonprofit coaching and consulting ministry. Christina serves with her husband Luke and three children as church planters and pastors at Plowshares BIC. She speaks conferences and churches around the globe and also serves as the Minister of Generational Discipleship with the Great Lakes Conference of the Brethren in Christ.

With over a decade in family ministry and children’s ministry, she is passionate about seeing churches partnering with families to encourage faith formation at home, equipping parents to disciple their kids in the faith, and nurturing intergenerational community in the church. She holds a Masters of Arts in Ministry focusing on Family, Youth and Children’s Ministry from Wesley Seminary and is currently completing a doctorate of ministry in spiritual formation. blogs at refocusministry.org and is a contributing blogger at D6 Family, ChurchLeaders.com, and Seedbed.

Buzz Words Aren’t The Problem

I was recently part of an online discussion where the original poster expressed his concerns about a newly released curriculum using, in his words, “woke” terminology in its description. The particular words in question were the words “identity” and “curiosity.” The concern expressed was that these words were an attempt to be relevant to the culture and, regardless of the content in the curriculum which he repeatedly stated he felt was “fine”, the use of this terminology meant he “would never get near” this particular product.

As you an imagine, the discussion to follow was passionate and intense. For the most part, I watched what was taking place with a measure of frustration and disappointment. Whether or not one agreed with the original poster, the tone of the conversation was (initially) judgmental, condemning, and fear-based. And despite assurances and affirmation that the content of the curriculum as biblically-based and Christ-centered, the choice of these two words was enough to warrant the energy and passion put into the discussion about how this would impact children’s church experience and their faith.

Which brings me to the research:

Why do young people actually walk away from the faith?

Why do they leave children’s ministry and youth ministry with an immature faith or lacking a sense of belonging to their church? Why do they disassociate with the church and distance themselves from evangelical religious experiences?

Is it because the curriculum used buzz words? Is it because their youth pastor was too relevant or their children’s pastor was “woke”?

In short – No. That is not why they leave. Why they leave has a lot more to do with us – the people of God – than it does the buzz words and latest trends that come and go in culture. It has to do with our attitudes, our behavior, and our interactions with one another and the world around us.

  • Seventy-three percent said church or pastor-related reasons led them to leave. Of those, 32 percent said church members seemed judgmental or hypocritical and 29 percent said they did not feel connected to others who attended. 
  • Seventy percent named religious, ethical or political beliefs for dropping out. Of those, 25 percent said they disagreed with the church’s stance on political or social issues while 22 percent said they were only attending to please someone else. 
  • And, 63 percent said student and youth ministry reasons contributed to their decision not to go. Of those, 23 percent said they never connected with students in student ministry and 20 percent said the students seemed judgmental or hypocritical.   (Source)

More telling than that, of the 66 percent who said they left picked reasons for leaving, only 10 percent said they dropped out because they stopped believing in God. Their belief in God was not the issue. It was their experience in churches and denominational interpretations of Scripture that they disagreed with that led them to leave.

Over one-third of young adults have said they feel like they can’t ask life’s most pressing questions in church and 23 percent said they had “significant intellectual doubts” about their faith (Source). And no one to talk to about it. No one to normalize the reality that faith is.. well, faith. That it all comes down to belief and we can never 100% know everything while we are here on earth. That we will know fully as we are fully known only once we are with Christ. And until then, we will ask a lot of questions, express a lot of doubts, learn a lot of new things, and likely, our own beliefs about truth and God and faith will change and grow as we do.

Not one of these studies showed that young people left the faith because their Sunday school curriculum used buzz words or connected too closely to the culture. It was about the people, the relationships or lack thereof, the attitudes or experiences, that formed and shaped them, from children to student through young adult.

Conversely, why do young people chose to stay in the faith? These studies are my favorite because instead of a list of “Don’t Do’s” we get actionable, meaningful things “To Do” that will yield the fruit of lifelong disciples who want to love and follow Jesus. And what does that research show us?

The Sticky Faith group at Fuller Youth Institute have studied the reasons young people stay in church, looking for a “silver bullet” for churches and parents to use to keep that from happening.  While there was no “silver bullet” churches that encouraged intergenerational connections and worship and youth that felt involved and connected to the larger church had a much greater chance of remaining in church post high school. (The findings can be found here). 

In this article, researcher Dr. Kara Powell clearly demonstrates the need for and support of corporate worship, stating ” Of the many youth group participation variables we examined, involvement in intergenerational worship and relationships had one of the most robust correlations with faith maturity.

Most recently, Awana partnered with Barna group to look at the resiliency of youth in church post-graduation. They discovered that when kids have a meaningful relationship with an adult in the church, they are twice as likely to have an ongoing relationship with the church and three times more likely to be engaged in Scripture including understanding the metanarrative of Scripture and integrating biblical principles in their life. The conclusion drawn by the researchers at Barna Group?  “The meaningful relationships individuals have as children fundamentally influence the stability of their future faith.” (Source).

Every single one of these things has to do with relationship, with people, with us.

Do quality materials matter? Sure, I wouldn’t recommend just grabbing any old curriculum off the shelf. But do the materials we use have a tremendous influence on the kids who attend our Sunday school for one hour each week if we are lucky? Eh, probably not as much as our relationship with them, our modeling of Christ character of humility and grace, and our intentional decision to make space for them to wonder, question, doubt, and be curious as they find their own identity in Christ.

Buzz words come and go as quickly as a Snapchat picture or a TikTok trend. What we do, who we are, and how we love will stand the test of time. Let’s major on the majors and minor on the minors. Let’s put our energy into that space, encouraging one another all the more as we see the day drawing near, lifting up not tearing down our fellow ministers and parents, and being a community of faith that our young people will find hope, safety, and Christ-centered relationships in.


Are You Ready to Connect Generations?

Are you interested in moving your church from a traditional, age-segregated into a more family-focused, intergenerational focus, connecting the home and the church?  

Refocus Ministry would be happy to begin a conversation with your team and church about the how your church can grow in serving the families of your church and community and connecting your faith community in relationship with each other.  

Ongoing coaching through various means is also available as your church continues the transition including weekly emails, monthly on-line trainings, and continued conversations. In addition to one-on-one coaching calls and follow-up resources, the following large-group presentations can be made available to your team, pastoral staff, or congregation.

Options to choose from for these presentations include:

  1. Presenting on a Sunday morning to your worship service(s)
  2. A parent webinar on Everyday Discipleship and partnering with the church community
  3. A presentation on Connecting Generations (importance, need, Biblical foundation) for your leadership team
  4. A training on a specific area of ministry such as Family VBS, Partnering with Parents, Equipping Volunteers, Creating an Intergenerational Culture for your ministry or leadership team.
  5. OTHER We will work to create a presentation that best suits your community’s needs

Use the contact form below to receive a customized quote for your congregations needs. We look forward to journeying with you to make Psalm 145, one generation to another, part of our church’s DNA.


For more information about

Check out to ReFocus Ministry or “like” our Facebook page. Join our conversation at theReFocus Family and Intergen Ministry group on Facebook.

About this Blog

Refocus Ministry was founded by Christina Embree in 2014 as a blog and now a nonprofit coaching and consulting ministry. Christina serves with her husband Luke and three children as church planters and pastors at Plowshares BIC. She speaks conferences and churches around the globe and also serves as the Minister of Generational Discipleship with the Great Lakes Conference of the Brethren in Christ.

With over a decade in family ministry and children’s ministry, she is passionate about seeing churches partnering with families to encourage faith formation at home, equipping parents to disciple their kids in the faith, and nurturing intergenerational community in the church. She holds a Masters of Arts in Ministry focusing on Family, Youth and Children’s Ministry from Wesley Seminary and is currently completing a doctorate of ministry in spiritual formation. blogs at refocusministry.org and is a contributing blogger at D6 Family, ChurchLeaders.com, and Seedbed.

Benefits of Intergenerational Community For Every Generation

You all know by now that I am a strong advocate for creating spaces in our churches for multiple generations to connect, to worship, and to be together. And generally when I share this sentiment it is in reference to generational discipleship and the passing of our faith from one generation to another. It’s focused on the spiritual and communal benefits that all generations receive when they learn from and experience life with people of varying ages and life experiences.

I recently shared this information that highlights the most recent research done in this particular area.

Barna Group has recently completed a study focused on children’s ministry that has yielded some important information about how that discipleship journey plays out. They shared this information recently at the Awana Child Discipleship Summit and here is what they found:  It wasn’t enough for a child to be simply be involved in children’s ministry at their church in order to engage in the formative practices and meaningful characteristics of a disciple. There needed to be more, another integral step, another piece to the puzzle: Relationship.

They discovered that when kids have a meaningful relationship with an adult in the church, they are twice as likely to have an ongoing relationship with the church.

They are three times more likely to be engaged in Scripture including understanding the metanarrative of Scripture and integrating biblical principles in their life.

They are twice as likely to say church matters to them, three times as likely to see church as a highlight in their week, and three times as likely to read the Bible on their own.

The conclusion drawn by the researchers at Barna Group? (and I quote) “The meaningful relationships individuals have as a children fundamentally influence the stability of their future faith.”

Now, here’s the reality check: Only 2 out of 5 kids in children’s ministry have a positive, meaningful relationship with a mentoring adult. Two. Out of Five. That’s only 40% of kids in children’s ministry at a given church (For more, The Next Great (KidMin) Revolution Is Nothing New)

Now, if all the benefits we could list were found above, that would be motivating enough to begin to explore ways to connect the generations in our faith communities. But the benefits of this type of community do not end there. Over the past 70 years, research has shown the benefits of intergenerational relationships extend far beyond the spiritual into our emotional, mental, and even physical health, impacting our quality of life at every stage and every age.

4 life lessons in 45 minutes

These life lessons came in various forms categorized by the researchers as meaning making, personal growth, emotional valence, wisdom characteristics, life lesson type, and autobiographical memory type. But here’s the important takeaway – connectedness, identity, and healthy development for young and old can be found in conversation with one another.

Last year, researchers conducted a study where university students met with a group of older, aging individuals and were encouraged them to have a discussion (Source). Most sat and talked for about 45 minutes and shared a mutual dialogue without prompt or guidance. Afterwards, the researchers coded the recorded conversations and found something very interesting: During the course of the conversation, the elder individuals offered, on average, four life lessons in the form of story to the listening younger generation.(Source)

Benefits for Older Adults

  • Improved physical health: Older adults that interact regularly with younger generations burn more calories, experience fewer falls, and are less reliant on canes.
  • Improved mental health: They perform better on memory tests, and those with dementia experience more positive effects than in non-intergenerational activities.
  • Improved emotional health: Feelings of isolation and depression decrease AND feelings of self-worth and happiness increases (Source).

Benefits for Middle-Aged Adults

  • Improved familial relationships –  Middle-aged respondents who reported more positive and less negative ties with their parents AND reported more positive and less negative ties with their own children (Source).
  • Improved mental health – For many middle-aged adults, their social relationships shrink over time with less and less of a social network and more isolation. However, the evidence suggests that, generally, the more varied your social network, the happier and healthier you will be (Source)
  • Improved physical health – Research has found found that people with adequate social (intergenerational) relationships have a 50 per cent lower mortality risk compared with those who report poor social relationships (Source).

Benefits for Youth & Young Adults

  • Improved social skills –  Teens in intergenerational relationships see enhanced social skills and more stability in their daily lives, which can help them do well in school and steer clear of negative influences (Source). 
  • Improved life experience – In one study, the following were all reported by young adults as a result of their participation in intergenerational relationships: 1) enjoyment 2) feeling rewarded 3) changes in search for meaning in life 4) enhanced academic learning 5) insights into careers in aging 6) improved perceptions of older adults 7) emotional connections with older adults 8) uneasiness with giving advice to older adults 9) improved skills for interacting with older adults 10) changes in service motivation.

Benefits for Children & Youth

  • Improved life experience – 46% less likely to begin using illegal drugs; 27% less likely to begin using alcohol; 52% less likely to skip school; 37% less likely to skip a class; 33% less likely to hit someone (Findings from Big Brother, Big Sister program).
  • Improved social and emotional development – Research results show that children from intergenerational academic programs had higher levels of social acceptance, a greater willingness to help and greater empathy for older people, slightly more positive attitudes, and better able to self-regulate their behavior than children from traditional age-segregated programs (Source)

We can see that the benefits of intergenerational community are vast and impact all generations. We also know that the existing of meaningful relationships across congregations is directly correlated to resilience and faith retention in rising generations. We see examples throughout Scripture of generational discipleship and intergenerational community.

There simply is NO reason for us not to begin creating spaces and opportunities within our churches for intentional intergenerational community, to cultivate meaningful relationships, to provide times of corporate worship, and to engage all generations in the mission and service of the church both to one another and our community. In fact, exactly the opposite – all reason points to us moving more and more towards times together rather than times apart.

Psalm 78:1-7

My people, hear my teaching; listen to the words of my mouth.
I will open my mouth with a parable; I will utter hidden things, things from of old—
 things we have heard and known, things our ancestors have told us.
We will not hide them from their descendants; we will tell the next generation
the praiseworthy deeds of the Lord, his power, and the wonders he has done.
He decreed statutes for Jacob and established the law in Israel,
which he commanded our ancestors to teach their children,
So the next generation would know them, even the children yet to be born,
    and they in turn would tell their children.
Then they would put their trust in God and would not forget his deeds
    but would keep his commands.


Are You Ready to Connect Generations?

Are you interested in moving your church from a traditional, age-segregated into a more family-focused, intergenerational focus, connecting the home and the church?  

Refocus Ministry would be happy to begin a conversation with your team and church about the how your church can grow in serving the families of your church and community and connecting your faith community in relationship with each other.  

Ongoing coaching through various means is also available as your church continues the transition including weekly emails, monthly on-line trainings, and continued conversations. In addition to one-on-one coaching calls and follow-up resources, the following large-group presentations can be made available to your team, pastoral staff, or congregation.

Options to choose from for these presentations include:

  1. Presenting on a Sunday morning to your worship service(s)
  2. A parent webinar on Everyday Discipleship and partnering with the church community
  3. A presentation on Connecting Generations (importance, need, Biblical foundation) for your leadership team
  4. A training on a specific area of ministry such as Family VBS, Partnering with Parents, Equipping Volunteers, Creating an Intergenerational Culture for your ministry or leadership team.
  5. OTHER We will work to create a presentation that best suits your community’s needs

Use the contact form below to receive a customized quote for your congregations needs. We look forward to journeying with you to make Psalm 145, one generation to another, part of our church’s DNA.


For more information about

Check out to ReFocus Ministry or “like” our Facebook page. Join our conversation at theReFocus Family and Intergen Ministry group on Facebook.

About this Blog

Refocus Ministry was founded by Christina Embree in 2014 as a blog and now a nonprofit coaching and consulting ministry. Christina serves with her husband Luke and three children as church planters and pastors at Plowshares BIC. She speaks conferences and churches around the globe and also serves as the Minister of Generational Discipleship with the Great Lakes Conference of the Brethren in Christ.

With over a decade in family ministry and children’s ministry, she is passionate about seeing churches partnering with families to encourage faith formation at home, equipping parents to disciple their kids in the faith, and nurturing intergenerational community in the church. She holds a Masters of Arts in Ministry focusing on Family, Youth and Children’s Ministry from Wesley Seminary and is currently completing a doctorate of ministry in spiritual formation. blogs at refocusministry.org and is a contributing blogger at D6 Family, ChurchLeaders.com, and Seedbed.

Seven Practical Ways to Welcome Kids to Worship

Recently, I’ve had several questions sent my way on the practicality of having all ages in communal worship together with adults. While some of the questions pertained to older generations participating in church, most of them were focused on the challenge of having children in the church service.  But after conversing for a bit, it was evident that no one needed to be convinced that children should be there at some point (that reconciled fairly quickly after some theologicaldevelopmental, and sociological evidences of the benefits of intergenerational worship); the bigger felt need was just for some practical and simple ways to make it possible for children to be integrated into the service.

Our traditional service structures often make it difficult to extend the hand of welcome to the next generation and it can be difficult to maneuver within those confines and find ways of incorporating all generations.

With that in mind, here are some practical tips and tools for Intergenerational Worship Services that might be useful for your faith community. I’ve shared these in the past and have had a lot of great feedback from multiple churches and denominations. I’d love to hear what your church is doing to make room for all ages to find a space to worship together.

1. Kid’s Worship Team – Let’s redefine worship as more than singing before the sermon. Worship seeks to put the attention on God and give Him the honor that is due. And kids are amazing at doing this. A Kid’s Worship Team doesn’t necessary lead “singing” but they worship through hospitality (holding doors, handing out bulletins, etc), prayer (they go forward during prayer time and pray for themselves and others) and generosity (they take up the communion and pray over it).

For our team, the kids followed a weekly schedule, just like the adult worship team, and if they missed their Sunday, they had to get someone to take their spot. They also had to go through a training on worship with me before they could serve.

2. Sermon Notes – There are a lot of great templates out there for sermon notes and for older kids, it’s a great way to keep them involved with the service.  In one church, if a child completed their sermon notes, they could get something out of a treasure box and the completed form was given back to their parents so the parents could have a follow-up conversation with their kids at home.

3. Call Out the Kids – Kids love to get attention and they love when they get to be drawn into “adult” things like the sermon. We often asked whoever was speaking to at some point in the sermon just say something like, “Hey kids, have you ever seen this?” or something else that would be appropriate to the text to help draw the kids into the story. It’s amazing how just that little comment really drew them in and helped redirect their attention to the service.

4. Interactive Teaching and Learning – Anything interactive is great!  One of the ways our current church engages the kids is if there is a topic that involves a story from the Bible, the pastor will have the kids help act out the story. Everyone loves it – it’s spontaneous so things definitely go wrong, but the whole congregation gets involved and no one forgets the Scripture we studied that week.

5. Busy Bags  – Busy bags get a bad rap, mostly because people don’t understand the developmental science behind them. Have “busy bags” but explain to parents and other church members that these activities aren’t intended to distract the kids but rather to help the kids use all of their developing senses; studies show if their hands and eyes are busy, their ears will be listening.

Quiet activities like lacing cards, stickers scenes, foam craft kits, beads and pipe cleaners, small puzzles and coloring are all great ways to engage your kinesthetic and visual learners.

6. Pew Boxes or Worship Boxes  – Similar to busy bags, these boxes can be placed underneath chairs or pews and filled with quiet activities and books for kids to use during worship services. I love the ones put together by Traci Smith and outlined here

7. Active Involvement – The difference between “having kids in Big Church” and welcoming kids into corporate worship lies basically in participation.  Are children being invited to actively participate or passively observe?  Inviting children and youth to be part of the order of worship has incredible sway in creating a sense of inclusion and welcome.

actions – it can just be a song that they like – my son loves, “No Longer Slaves” and can’t wait to lead it), and pray.   Being involved signals that we have a place in the congregation – we are a part of something bigger – and everyone needs to know that truth.

There are beautiful opportunities for us to connect with one another in deep and meaningful ways when we worship together. Finding those treasures are a huge part of why many churches are growing more and more intergenerational in their approach to community. And the reward is the opportunity for all of us to grow closer to Jesus as lifelong disciples.


If you have ever felt alone in your heart for intergenerational ministry, if you have ever wondered what the next right step is or been curious about how you can best serve your church’s discipleship or mentorship ministry, then a ReFocus Ministry Coaching Cohort might the place for you.

ReFocus Coaching Cohorts provide ministry leaders with the opportunity to expand their leadership skills in a twelve-week shared learning experience. Facilitated by an experienced coach, a cohort group of 7-10 individuals from multiple faith organizations meet weekly to explore and apply the principles of leadership in generational discipleship, intergenerational ministry, and church culture transition. Through extensive exploration, inquiry and dialogue, the coach and fellow cohort members help participants identify their role in generational discipleship within their faith community and deepen their leadership capability.

NEW COHORT FORMING FALL 2022

Benefits

  • Accountability and growth within a community of like-minded ministers
  • Access to resources available only to cohort members, including up to one year of monthly personal coaching
  • Real-life moments and collective learning within the group that can be addressed by both the coach and the other members.
  • Ability to participate in ReFocus presenter platform as a local ReFocus representative.

ReFocus cohorts provide a confidential, open environment for ministers to strengthen their effectiveness in ‘real-time’ situations. It is intended for people who have experience in ministry and are ready to build the skills needed to be leaders in generational discipleship and intergenerational ministry.

Included in Coaching Cohort Package

  • Twelve weekly trainings/Zoom calls with coach.
  • Choice of 1 webinar with resources for church/congregation (for use within one year of cohort start).
  • Family Faith Formation TALK TOOLS curriculum (Digital download available after first 12 weeks).
  • One year of monthly, 30-minute, one-on-one coaching conversations.
  • Access to private Facebook group for cohort members only.
  • Lifetime 10% discount on all ReFocus seminars, workshops, webinars, and/or coaching packages


For more information about

Check out to ReFocus Ministry or “like” our Facebook page. Join our conversation at the ReFocus Family and Intergen Ministry group on Facebook.

About this Blog

Refocus Ministry was founded by Christina Embree in 2014 as a blog and now a nonprofit coaching and consulting ministry. Christina serves with her husband Luke and three children as church planters and pastors at Plowshares BIC. She speaks conferences and churches around the globe and also serves as the Minister of Generational Discipleship with the Great Lakes Conference of the Brethren in Christ.

With over a decade in family ministry and children’s ministry, she is passionate about seeing churches partnering with families to encourage faith formation at home, equipping parents to disciple their kids in the faith, and nurturing intergenerational community in the church. She holds a Masters of Arts in Ministry focusing on Family, Youth and Children’s Ministry from Wesley Seminary and is currently completing a doctorate of ministry in spiritual formation. blogs at refocusministry.org and is a contributing blogger at D6 Family, ChurchLeaders.com, and Seedbed.

The Next Great (KidMin) Revolution Is Nothing New

The great Christian revolutions come not by the discovery of something that was not known before. They happen when someone takes radically something that was always there.

Reinhold Niebuhr, American theologian

“Go therefore and make disciples” Matthew 28:19

The call to make disciples isn’t a new one. It is as ancient as the Christian faith, given by Christ himself before His ascension into heaven.

The journey of a disciple isn’t a new phenomenon. Christian Scripture and history are both filled with stories and testimonies of people who have come to know and follow Christ, from young to old, from all over the world. 

The information about when that discipleship journey begins for most current Christians isn’t new. In 2015, it was reported that 63% of Christian adults started their discipleship journey between the ages of 4-14 (Source).

But here is what is new.

Barna Group has recently completed a study focused on children’s ministry that has yielded some important information about how that discipleship journey plays out. They shared this information recently at the Awana Child Discipleship Summit and here is what they found:  It wasn’t enough for a child to be simply be involved in children’s ministry at their church in order to engage in the formative practices and meaningful characteristics of a disciple. There needed to be more, another integral step, another piece to the puzzle: Relationship.

They discovered that when kids have a meaningful relationship with an adult in the church, they are twice as likely to have an ongoing relationship with the church.

They are three times more likely to be engaged in Scripture including understanding the metanarrative of Scripture and integrating biblical principles in their life.

They are twice as likely to say church matters to them, three times as likely to see church as a highlight in their week, and three times as likely to read the Bible on their own.

The conclusion drawn by the researchers at Barna Group? (and I quote) “The meaningful relationships individuals have as a children fundamentally influence the stability of their future faith.”

Now, here’s the reality check: Only 2 out of 5 kids in children’s ministry have a positive, meaningful relationship with a mentoring adult.

Two. Out of Five. That’s only 40% of kids in children’s ministry at a given church.

Even more telling than that. Only 53% of churchgoing adults identified “Have a loving, caring relationship with an adult” as an outcome for children’s ministry (75% of ministry leaders agreed). That means half of adult church members and a quarter of ministry leaders did not see developing a meaningful relationship between younger and older generations as an identifiable goal and desired outcome for ministry to children.

Re-read this quote from Reinhold Niebuhr again.

The great Christian revolutions come not by the discovery of something that was not known before. They happen when someone takes radically something that was always there.

The call to make disciples has always been here. Our children have always been here. Paul spoke directly to them in the letters he wrote to the church. Jesus put a child in the middle of all his disciples and declared the least to be the greatest in the kingdom of God.

It is time to take radically the call to welcome children and not hinder them.

It is time for us to create spaces and make room for children and youth and young adults to grow with us, worship with us, learn with us, serve with us, laugh with us, cry with us, question and doubt and argue and debate with us, to be in relationship with us so as to become disciples of Jesus with us.

J.T English in his book Deep Discipleship states, “Community is indispensable to discipleship, but community is not discipleship.” The two go hand-in-hand.

If we are not cultivating spaces in our churches and faith communities for our youngest and our oldest and all the generations in between to develop meaningful relationships in community and learning, we are missing out on our call to disciple-making.

It’s not new but it is time for us to take radically that which was always there.


If you have ever felt alone in your heart for intergenerational ministry, if you have ever wondered what the next right step is or been curious about how you can best serve your church’s discipleship or mentorship ministry, then a ReFocus Ministry Coaching Cohort might the place for you.

ReFocus Coaching Cohorts provide ministry leaders with the opportunity to expand their leadership skills in a twelve-week shared learning experience. Facilitated by an experienced coach, a cohort group of 7-10 individuals from multiple faith organizations meet weekly to explore and apply the principles of leadership in generational discipleship, intergenerational ministry, and church culture transition. Through extensive exploration, inquiry and dialogue, the coach and fellow cohort members help participants identify their role in generational discipleship within their faith community and deepen their leadership capability.

NEW COHORT FORMING FALL 2022

Benefits

  • Accountability and growth within a community of like-minded ministers
  • Access to resources available only to cohort members, including up to one year of monthly personal coaching
  • Real-life moments and collective learning within the group that can be addressed by both the coach and the other members.
  • Ability to participate in ReFocus presenter platform as a local ReFocus representative.

ReFocus cohorts provide a confidential, open environment for ministers to strengthen their effectiveness in ‘real-time’ situations. It is intended for people who have experience in ministry and are ready to build the skills needed to be leaders in generational discipleship and intergenerational ministry.

Included in Coaching Cohort Package

  • Twelve weekly trainings/Zoom calls with coach.
  • Choice of 1 webinar with resources for church/congregation (for use within one year of cohort start).
  • Family Faith Formation TALK TOOLS curriculum (Digital download available after first 12 weeks).
  • One year of monthly, 30-minute, one-on-one coaching conversations.
  • Access to private Facebook group for cohort members only.
  • Lifetime 10% discount on all ReFocus seminars, workshops, webinars, and/or coaching packages

For more information or to speak to someone about any questions, please fill out the contact form below with the Subject of “ReFocus Coaching Cohort”


For more information about

Check out to ReFocus Ministry or “like” our Facebook page. Join our conversation at theReFocus Family and Intergen Ministry group on Facebook.

About this Blog

Refocus Ministry was founded by Christina Embree in 2014 as a blog and now a nonprofit coaching and consulting ministry. Christina serves with her husband Luke and three children as church planters and pastors at Plowshares BIC. She speaks conferences and churches around the globe and also serves as the Minister of Generational Discipleship with the Great Lakes Conference of the Brethren in Christ.

With over a decade in family ministry and children’s ministry, she is passionate about seeing churches partnering with families to encourage faith formation at home, equipping parents to disciple their kids in the faith, and nurturing intergenerational community in the church. She holds a Masters of Arts in Ministry focusing on Family, Youth and Children’s Ministry from Wesley Seminary and is currently completing a doctorate of ministry in spiritual formation. blogs at refocusministry.org and is a contributing blogger at D6 Family, ChurchLeaders.com, and Seedbed.

For The Ones Who Question (and the ones who feel they can’t)

When you serve in ministry, it is not unusual people to ask you questions about all manner of topics. Here are some of the recent questions that I have been met with in my ministry circles.

  • “When is Jesus coming back?”
  • “What does it mean to ‘do good’ to people that hate you?”
  • “Compared to a lot of people, I would say we are rich. Are we ‘the rich’ that God talks about in the Bible?”

These are not simple questions. They are ones that, by default, require some theological context, some abstract thinking, and a good deal of Scripture searching, often together.

What is striking about these questions is who is asking them.

The first one? A preschooler in our church.

The second? A fifth grader who was genuinely curious how to navigate what it means to literally “do good” to others, especially others that aren’t so nice to you.

The third? A teenager reflecting the sermon and discussion we had in church as a community.

In my discussions with people regarding the importance of intergenerational community and times of learning and worship that take place together, all ages in one space, I often get pushback that the themes discussed in these places are too theological or too abstract for children and youth to be able to engage. And while, to a certain extent, some of the information may be beyond their current verbal and cognitive skill levels to comprehend, much of what is offered is actually leading to important questions that help form and shape their faith. In fact, being in an intergenerational community is one of the most developmentally appropriate spaces for kids and youth.

Here are a four reasons why I think it is important we create intergenerational spaces of worship and learning for purposes of generational discipleship and faith formation.

So Kids/Youth Can Ask Questions

Of utmost importance, and I cannot emphasize this enough, is creating a safe and welcoming space for questions of all kinds to be asked, answered, discussed and desired. Asking questions is the very best way for any of us to learn and when we create one-dimensional spaces where there is no room for discussion, only a download of information and side-by-side consumption without meaningful interactions and ongoing relationships, our ability to learn and grow is impacted.

In a survey done by the Barna Institute, 36% of young adults expressed that they were not able “to ask my most pressing life questions in church.” Where did that they learn that? It had to be in their experiences as kids and youth.

So Older Generations Can Make Disciples

The Great Commission to “go and make disciples” often gets couched in “missionary language” creating a scenario where the only real disciplemaking happens if we pack up and head out of our church and into another country. But the younger generations NEED relationships with the older generations in their faith community so they can grow and mature as believers, having men and women who commit to journeying with them towards Jesus. It’s an essential part of our faith experience and one that, unfortunately, gets overlooked in our age-segregated and siloed church experiences.

So We Can Read Scripture In Community

Often times in churches, reading the Bible happens one of two places – from the pulpit on Sunday morning or in an age-specific Bible study/Sunday school setting. The result of that can be very one-dimensional, listening to one person or one generation’s thoughts on that portion of Scripture. Some of the most formational experiences I’ve had in my walk of faith is when the Bible is opened in a small group of multiple generations and the words are shared, discussed, debated, and dialogued about in community. The holistic reading of the Bible becomes richer and space is made for us to learn from and ask questions of one another.

So We Can Foster A Sense of Belonging

I think we can all acknowledge that for the most part “big church” or our regular church assemblies aren’t places where children feel like they “fit.”  Even churches that are transitioning to more intergenerational approaches can find it difficult to create that feel through programming and atmosphere.

If we don’t feel like we belong, it just makes sense that we will look for a place where we do.  If we don’t “fit” somewhere, chances are we won’t go back or stay when we can leave.  And if we don’t feel like a part of something, it’s easy to disengage and withdraw even if we are physically present.  

Creating welcoming spaces of worship and learning that encourage meaningful relationships and ongoing interactions can help foster a sense of belonging to something bigger, a community, a family, and having that sense of belonging can help foster a space that encourages questions, empathizes with doubt, and expects discussion.

Connecting generations at church and at home is the mission and ministry of ReFocus.

Why? For many of the reasons you see listed above but mostly because we are called to make disciples and in order to do that, we must be connected to one another, across generations, across ages, in community. We must learn from one another and let God lead us together in our journey towards becoming more and more like Jesus.


Are You Ready to Connect Generations?

Are you interested in moving your church from a traditional, age-segregated into a more family-focused, intergenerational focus, connecting the home and the church?  

Refocus Ministry would be happy to begin a conversation with your team and church about the how your church can grow in serving the families of your church and community and connecting your faith community in relationship with each other.  

Ongoing coaching through various means is also available as your church continues the transition including weekly emails, monthly on-line trainings, and continued conversations. In addition to one-on-one coaching calls and follow-up resources, the following large-group presentations can be made available to your team, pastoral staff, or congregation.

Options to choose from for these presentations include:

  1. Presenting on a Sunday morning to your worship service(s)
  2. A parent webinar on Everyday Discipleship and partnering with the church community
  3. A presentation on Connecting Generations (importance, need, Biblical foundation) for your leadership team
  4. A training on a specific area of ministry such as Family VBS, Partnering with Parents, Equipping Volunteers, Creating an Intergenerational Culture for your ministry or leadership team.
  5. OTHER We will work to create a presentation that best suits your community’s needs

Use the contact form below to receive a customized quote for your congregations needs. We look forward to journeying with you to make Psalm 145, one generation to another, part of our church’s DNA.


For more information about

Check out to ReFocus Ministry or “like” our Facebook page. Join our conversation at theReFocus Family and Intergen Ministry group on Facebook.

About this Blog

Refocus Ministry was founded by Christina Embree in 2014 as a blog and now a nonprofit coaching and consulting ministry. Christina serves with her husband Luke and three children as church planters and pastors at Plowshares BIC. She speaks conferences and churches around the globe and also serves as the Minister of Generational Discipleship with the Great Lakes Conference of the Brethren in Christ.

With over a decade in family ministry and children’s ministry, she is passionate about seeing churches partnering with families to encourage faith formation at home, equipping parents to disciple their kids in the faith, and nurturing intergenerational community in the church. She holds a Masters of Arts in Ministry focusing on Family, Youth and Children’s Ministry from Wesley Seminary and is currently completing a doctorate of ministry in spiritual formation. blogs at refocusministry.org and is a contributing blogger at D6 Family, ChurchLeaders.com, and Seedbed.

The Capacity to Love Cannot Be Built in Isolation

“The capacity to love cannot be built in isolation.”

Maybe it’s because so much of the last two years has felt isolating.

Maybe it’s because so much of what I’ve observed in the public square has lacked the overt quality of love.

Maybe it’s because the idea of love not being a feeling but a capacity that needs building is something I’ve always believed but never really pondered.

But this morning, I became acutely aware of the need for love and the reality of isolation. I had written this blog originally back in 2020 but as I contemplated the upcoming Valentine’s Day holiday and the deep need for real love to be experienced in our world and in our lives, I could not help but think back to this post.

“For years mental health professionals taught people that they could be psychologically healthy without social support, that “unless you love yourself, no one else will love you.”…The truth is, you cannot love yourself unless you have been loved and are loved. The capacity to love cannot be built in isolation”

Bruce D. Perry, The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog: And Other Stories from a Child Psychiatrist’s Notebook

There are some things we can’t change. For many of us, the desire for things to “return to normal” has kept us from pursuing new ways of connecting. Even as we dove into new things like Zoom meetings and Facebook Live, as we’ve driven around neighborhoods dropping off activity packs or hosting socially-distanced outdoor events in parking lots and public parks, we’ve done so with a “until we can get back to the way things were” approach.

But is has become increasingly obvious that we are not going back to the way things were. It is time we begin embracing and living into the way things are. Why?

We have been changed, our children and youth have been changed, and our communities have been changed, physically, emotionally and spiritually (Source: WebMD). Words have been said that maybe we regret or only said out of frustration or weariness. Things have been posted that maybe over time we will wish we had tweaked or even kept to ourselves. There’s been a lot of heartache, confusion, and contemplation; public processing as we all try to navigate this reality.

Rather than simply return back to our pre-Covid models in an attempt to preserve what we used to call “normalcy,” perhaps now is the time to stop and consider…how do we want to return?

In the past, part of our church may have been isolated even when we gathered because of age segregation and lack of generational inclusion.

What would it look like to begin again, together, with intentional space for multiple generations to interact and connect with each other?

Perhaps church gatherings and programs were primarily created and led by representatives of one or two generations and focused on keeping things as simple and reproducible as possible.

What if coming back, more generations and representation were invited in to discussions on how things can change to be more connectional, less isolated, and more integrated at all levels?

Maybe we felt like it was the job of our “pastoral professionals” to handle things like discipleship and service opportunities.

What if in our return, the laity were empowered and equip for generational discipleship in their homes (parents/grandparents/caregivers), in their faith community (multigenerational), and in their workplaces (apprenticeship and mentorship)?

These changes that bring us together across generational lines don’t have to wait until we are gathered again in a single space in the flesh. Think about it! Now is the time to begin planning for whatever the next stage of this crazy reality brings. Now is the time to begin reaching out across generational lines and connecting people to each other. Even if you can’t “be together” in the same room, it’s time to start laying the ground and creating the space for a true coming together in heart and spirit.

  • Intercessory prayer using the Pray for Me campaign.
  • Intergenerational Zoom prayer meetings.
  • Multigenerational committees set up to talk about the return to in-person services.
  • Cultivating of resources to help congregants engage with generational discipleship in their homes, faith community and workplaces. Check out GenOn Ministries and Lifelong Faith for some incredible resources.
  • Webinars for parents/grandparents/caregivers to help give them ideas for discipleship at home.
  • Plans to introduce Messy Church or Faith Inkubators/Faith 5 or WE Gatherings.

None of this need wait for us to experience what once was so common. Sitting in pews. Passing the peace. Boisterous singing. Choirs and communion. Oh, how we long for those things to return, but oh, the opportunity we have right now to embrace these other things which will inevitably draw us closer together to God and each other.

And then, when we do return, it may look different, but, just maybe, it will look more like the Church, all ages, all gathered, in community, truly together.

The capacity to love is not built in isolation.

Let’s come together and may Love fill our hearts in ways we’ve never experienced before.


Is Your Church READY to Gather Together?

Are you interested in moving your church from a traditional, age-segregated into a more family-focused, intergenerational focus, connecting the home and the church?  

Refocus Ministry would be happy to begin a conversation with your team and church about the how your church can grow in serving the families of your church and community and connecting your faith community in relationship with each other.  

Ongoing coaching through various means is also available as your church continues the transition including weekly emails, monthly on-line trainings, and continued conversations. In addition to one-on-one coaching calls and follow-up resources, the following large-group presentations can be made available to your team, pastoral staff, or congregation.

Options to choose from for these presentations include:

  1. Presenting on a Sunday morning to your worship service(s)
  2. A parent webinar on Everyday Discipleship and partnering with the church community
  3. A presentation on Connecting Generations (importance, need, Biblical foundation) for your leadership team
  4. A training on a specific area of ministry such as Family VBS, Partnering with Parents, Equipping Volunteers, Creating an Intergenerational Culture for your ministry or leadership team.
  5. OTHER We will work to create a presentation that best suits your community’s needs

Use the contact form below to receive a customized quote for your congregations needs. We look forward to journeying with you to make Psalm 145, one generation to another, part of our church’s DNA.


For more information about

Check out to ReFocus Ministry or “like” our Facebook page. Join our conversation at theReFocus Family and Intergen Ministry group on Facebook.

About this Blog

Refocus Ministry was started by Christina Embree, wife to Pastor Luke, mom to three wonderful kids, and church planter at Plowshares BIC. She also serves as the Minister of Generational Discipleship with the Great Lakes Conference of the Brethren in Christ.

With years of experience in family ministry and children’s ministry, she is passionate about seeing churches partnering with families to encourage faith formation at home and equipping parents to disciple their kids in the faith. She recently graduated with a Masters of Arts in Ministry focusing on Family, Youth and Children’s Ministry at Wesley Seminary, she also blogs at refocusministry.org and is a contributing blogger at D6 Family, ChurchLeaders.com, and Seedbed.