Advent Isn’t About Lighting Candles on Sunday

We have reached the blessed season of anticipation as we together await the birth of Christ. And just like 2020 has brought us new experiences in so many ways, this year we will be celebrating Advent in different capacities.

It can be exhausting and even discouraging to think about yet another change coming our way this year. But, friends, fellow parents, co-ministers in the Kingdom….Be encouraged!

Advent isn’t about lighting candles on Sunday morning. 

You see, lighting the candle doesn’t mean a whole lot to me or you (or to our kids) if we don’t talk about Hope, contemplate Joy, celebrate Peace, and commemorate Love for the rest of the week.

Reading beautiful Scriptures of God’s promises and love for us doesn’t mean a whole lot if it stays inside the church walls and never makes it to our dinner table, our car ride, our community, and our job.

Singing a few hymns about Christmas won’t impact our lives until we consider the words and use them to praise God on our recliner at home as much as we do our pew at church.

The reality is, if we are “doing” something at church and not “doing” that same thing the rest of the week, we are compartmentalizing our faith to a place or a gathering or a building instead of incorporating our faith into transformed lives.

We don’t have to literally light an Advent candle every night but if we want our children to know about the Hope of Christ, we need to talk about it every day.

And it’s fine and even fun to sing Christmas carols in the car but we also need to model a life of worship everywhere we go.

We don’t necessarily have to read Scripture aloud in front of our family but Scripture needs to be a part of our everyday conversations with our kids.

If we have learned anything this year, we’ve learned that we can’t live lives that say “Church is a building we go to on Sunday because God is there.” We’ve learned that church has to be much, much more.

We have had to tell our kids, “Church is the family of God and He is always with us so we are always in church.” Now is the time for us to not just say this with words but with our lives.

Spontaneous worship.  Times of prayer.  Lighting of candles. Corporate worship.  Waiting expectantly in hope for the arrival of Christ. 

These things don’t need to be limited to a place, a time, a special moment.  These things can be lived all year long and our lives can be a living testimony to a vibrant, growing faith.

This year offers us the opportunity to do Advent in our homes and in our faith community in a way that really grapples with Hope, pursues Peace, seeks out Joy, and embraces Love in tangible, life-giving, heart-changing ways.

Light a candle, sing a song, serve a neighbor, and give your family the biggest hug. Hope is here, Joy is present, Peace is proclaimed, and LOVE…Love is eternal. Happy Advent, friends!


Looking for a way to help parents capture those discipleship moments at home?

ReFocus Ministry is excited to offer “Everyday Discipleship: A Workshop for Parents/Caregivers.” 

This one-hour workshop covers an unlimited number of parents from your church to join us for a seminar including an Everyday Discipleship worksheet and follow-up resources for parents/caregivers focused on helping support and equip parents for faith formation in their homes.

This workshop has been widely attended by both ministers and parents alike with positive feedback on how it changed their perspective on discipleship in the home and got them excited about sharing their faith with their kids.

This webinar uses a Zoom format and is set up with an individualized code for your church only. All resources will be emailed prior to the webinar so you can distribute to parents with your regular communication.

Interested in learning more?

Fill out the form below with the Message: Everyday Discipleship and we will be in touch!


For More Information About…

Check out to ReFocus Ministry or “like” our Facebook page. Join our conversation at theReFocus Family and Intergen Ministry group on Facebook.

About this Blog

Refocus Ministry was started by Christina Embree, wife to Pastor Luke, mom to three wonderful kids, and church planter at Plowshares BIC. She also serves as the Minister of Generational Discipleship with the Great Lakes Conference of the Brethren in Christ.

With years of experience in family ministry and children’s ministry, she is passionate about seeing churches partnering with families to encourage faith formation at home and equipping parents to disciple their kids in the faith. She recently graduated with a Masters of Arts in Ministry focusing on Family, Youth and Children’s Ministry at Wesley Seminary, she also blogs at www.refocusministry.org and is a contributing blogger at D6 Family, ChurchLeaders.com, and Seedbed.

Discipleship is Not a Program

I once attended a Christian ministry conference and since I am me, I scoured the listing of workshops to see what I could find that was related to Next Gen. Bingo! “Holistic Discipleship for the Next Generation.” That sounded perfect and right up my alley so off I went.

The session started with some brief introductions and testimonies from the leaders, one of which was a young man who had been influenced by the program they were going to talk about. In his introduction he mentioned a number of things that were most influential on him as he grew up and all of those were people. He talked about the adults and mentors that came alongside him and spoke into his life; how they showed up at his games and took him on family trips and spent time talking to him and engaging him in his growing faith.

In most Christian circles, we’d call that discipleship.

So, I got excited because surely if one of the main presenters spent most of his introduction talking about the discipleship relationships he had experienced and the deep impact they had on his faith and spiritual formation, then this workshop would most certainly include these things in their “holistic” approach.

Unfortunately, that did not happen. In fact, for the remainder of the workshop, the words “discipleship”, “mentor”, or “intergenerational” were never mentioned. Not even once. We did talk a lot about programming, curriculum, activities, and fun and creative ways to teach kids about God. We practiced some fun imagining, talked about format and presentation, ran through some kidmin scenarios and were given insight to a lot of content.

But never once did the presenters talk about ways to encourage intergenerational connections with children and youth outside of the programmed times. There was no conversation about mentoring and the importance of giving kids access to those who are more mature in the faith to help them to grow or about how we could put into practice activities or even programs that were geared toward growing those relationships and creating intentional space in our churches for them to mature and develop.

Discipleship was described as programmatic, aimed primarily at increasing knowledge and, frankly, getting kids to say a prayer so that they’d be “saved” with little to no conversation about how to take that faith deeper through intentional relationship.

Please don’t hear this as me knocking this group. They are doing great things in their city and God is using them.   But if we are talking about “holistic discipleship” and we are not talking about actual discipleship, mentoring or generational connectivity, we are missing the mark.

Our faith is primarily passed from one generation to another and it’s not passed in a class or an after-school program or a club that meets once a week.

All of those things are good and helpful and even needed, but those things are not discipleship.

Discipleship is first of all relational; it requires time spent building in relationship, learning and growing and worshipping together. Generational connection has to be more than just someone who volunteers to teach a class or host a club once a week. It must cross over into a meaningful relationship where love is experienced and pain is processed and life is shared.

Holistic discipleship had to be more. It has to take the next step.

Covid-19 has both complicated and simplified this reality. In the absence of our normal schedules, we have been pushed to expand our discipleship options. However, I still see so many trying to find just the right curriculum or program or activity to make discipleship happen.

But at this time, perhaps more than any other, we need the community of faith to step in and begin to press forward with intentional relationship. This is our chance to connect one another in new ways as we are not held back by long-held traditions, rigid schedules and age-specific classes and curriculum. Many people have multiple generations present in their own home and others can connect virtually, but relationships can be built around faith, even during Covid times.

What are some ways we can encourage this to happen?

1. Bible Study or Book Study with multiple entry points (Zoom, phone, or safely in-person). Instead of focusing on a specific age, focus on a topic and allow multiple generations to join. For best results, invite a youth or young adult to co-lead with a member of an older generation (40+).

2. Church Family Movie Night  – Some streaming platforms allow for groups to watch a movie at the same time. Put together a discipleship movie guide (You can get a FREE example by filling out the form below with the Message: Movie Guide). This would be good for January when cold and dark outside.

3. Prayer Meeting – Sometimes, I think when we hear “Prayer Meeting” we think Wednesday evening service. But even if it’s just a 15 minute check-in or a simple 30 minute guided prayer time over Zoom, gathering for prayer is a way to begin to build relationships, especially if the chat feature is used to share requests. Zoom Rooms are a great place to pair people up to prayer for each other as well. Families could be recruited to lead prayer once a month.

 4. Dinner Together – Put out a Zoom invitation for church members to eat dinner together over the internet. Make it even more fun by having the church help contribute part of the meal such as pizza or chicken or dessert for everyone. Set it up so that three families/individuals from different households would eat together. Provide Ice Breaker Questions and a suggested Scripture to read and common prayer to pray so they can participate in communal spiritual formation as they eat together.

5. Fort Fellowship – At the beginning of Covid-19, one of our church members organized a time for families with kids to gather once a week and study a Scripture together and catch up with one another over Zoom. Families built a blanket fort somewhere in their house, crawled inside with the computer and shared about 15-20 minutes together with their friends. This would be a great Advent activity to read through the Christmas story together!

8. Get to Know Me Videos – Ask members of different ages to send in videos of themselves sharing their favorite winter activities, recipes, family game, or stories about past faith or family experiences around a theme. Don’t worry about quality; focus on story. Each week, spotlight one or two people and share their video with your church family. Who knows? Some people just might “meet” a member of their church family for the first time!


The reality is discipleship can’t just be found in a Sunday School class or an after-school club. It is found when hearts connect in a relationship that leads to faith formation and spiritual growth both in the home and in the church.

It’s found when we get outside the program or curriculum or church walls and learn each other’s names and eat a meal together and show up to cheer each other on.

It’s found when we take time to develop our connections and move beyond the starting point that classes and clubs might be and into relationship.

That’s how Jesus did it with his disciples and that’s how they did it with their disciples and that’s how we must do it with the next generation.

Holistic discipleship is not a program. It’s so much more.


Looking for a way to help parents capture those discipleship moments at home?

ReFocus Ministry is excited to offer “Everyday Discipleship: A Workshop for Parents/Caregivers.” 

This one-hour workshop covers an unlimited number of parents from your church to join us for a seminar including an Everyday Discipleship worksheet and follow-up resources for parents/caregivers focused on helping support and equip parents for faith formation in their homes.

This workshop has been widely attended by both ministers and parents alike with positive feedback on how it changed their perspective on discipleship in the home and got them excited about sharing their faith with their kids.

This webinar uses a Zoom format and is set up with an individualized code for your church only. All resources will be emailed prior to the webinar so you can distribute to parents with your regular communication.

Interested in learning more?

Fill out the form below with the Message: Everyday Discipleship and we will be in touch!

For More Information About…

Check out to ReFocus Ministry or “like” our Facebook page. Join our conversation at theReFocus Family and Intergen Ministry group on Facebook.

About this Blog

Refocus Ministry was started by Christina Embree, wife to Pastor Luke, mom to three wonderful kids, and church planter at Plowshares BIC. She also serves as the Minister of Generational Discipleship with the Great Lakes Conference of the Brethren in Christ.

With years of experience in family ministry and children’s ministry, she is passionate about seeing churches partnering with families to encourage faith formation at home and equipping parents to disciple their kids in the faith. She recently graduated with a Masters of Arts in Ministry focusing on Family, Youth and Children’s Ministry at Wesley Seminary, she also blogs at www.refocusministry.org and is a contributing blogger at D6 Family, ChurchLeaders.com, and Seedbed.

Remember, The Kids Are Watching

It hasn’t happened yet, but I know it will soon. I’ve already been Facebook “stalked”, Instagram-investigated, and Iphone-snooped by my teenagers. It’s only a matter of time before they put my name into Google to see what pops up.

What will they find?  

Will they find the same person who they knew as “mom”, the person who has nurtured them and instructed them, disciplined them and discipled them, laughed with them and corrected them…or will they find something that confuses them?

Will they find consistency between what I tell them and what I tell others?

Will my words in the online world match my words in our conversations at home and with them?

For instance, I tell them to love God and love others.  Will that be evident in my online profile?  I tell them to be kind and to consider others more highly than herself.  Will my words reflect that type of heart?

I tell them to always seek to good, to defend the poor, to love the hurting, to stand up for the weak, to befriend the friendless.

I tell them that calling people names, making fun of others, criticism and ridicule, treating people as “other” and showing people disrespect are all, for lack of a better term, the actions of a bully and not how we are to live or act in this world.

I tell them that God loves them, has a plan for them, has a plan for us…for this whole world. That He is God. He is good. He is sovereign. He is our hope. 

And I have to consider, “When she googles me one day, will she find my social media self, my written words, are consistent with these things I am teaching her as truth, as right, as good?”

Friends, we are in the middle of some very difficult weeks in this country.

Behind us lies an election like no other we have ever seen. Passion in so many areas runs deep and runs wide. And words, often written on various social media platforms, are where those passions are often loosed and proclaimed.

May I humbly encourage us, all of us, no matter where our passions lie, to intentionally consider before we post, that one day our children will google our name? 

To ponder, “Is what I am about to post online in line with what I am teaching my children about loving God and loving others?”

To pause and wonder, “Am I using this post to build up or to tear down?  To call people names, make fun of them in any way, ridicule or poke fun, or belittle them as a person?”

To think, “If my child said this to another child, would that be okay or would they be in trouble?”

One day, our children will google us.

Let’s make sure that what they find shows them a faith that doesn’t waver with elections or compromise in fear.

Let’s strive to post our passions in a way that honors the fact that each person who reads them is made in the image of God, is loved and beloved of God, and is worthy of respect because of that simple fact.

We owe it to our children to give them a consistent message of who God is and who we are no matter when or where they hear/see our words. 

Summing it all up, friends, I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me (Paul), what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies. Philippians 4:8,9 (The Message)


Parents, are you looking for a way to engage with your kids in everyday discipleship at home?

ReFocus Ministry is excited to offer “Everyday Discipleship: A Workshop for Parents/Caregivers.” 

This one-hour workshop covers an unlimited number of parents from your church to join us for a seminar including an Everyday Discipleship worksheet and follow-up resources for parents/caregivers focused on helping support and equip parents for faith formation in their homes.

This workshop has been widely attended by both ministers and parents alike with positive feedback on how it changed their perspective on discipleship in the home and got them excited about sharing their faith with their kids.

This webinar uses a Zoom format and is set up with an individualized code for your church only. All resources will be emailed prior to the webinar so you can distribute to parents with your regular communication.

Interested in learning more?

Fill out the form below with the Message: Everyday Discipleship and we will be in touch!

For More Information About…

Check out to ReFocus Ministry or “like” our Facebook page. Join our conversation at theReFocus Family and Intergen Ministry group on Facebook.

About this Blog

Refocus Ministry was started by Christina Embree, wife to Pastor Luke, mom to three wonderful kids, and church planter at Plowshares BIC. She also serves as the Minister of Generational Discipleship with the Great Lakes Conference of the Brethren in Christ.

With years of experience in family ministry and children’s ministry, she is passionate about seeing churches partnering with families to encourage faith formation at home and equipping parents to disciple their kids in the faith. She recently graduated with a Masters of Arts in Ministry focusing on Family, Youth and Children’s Ministry at Wesley Seminary, she also blogs at www.refocusministry.org and is a contributing blogger at D6 Family, ChurchLeaders.com, and Seedbed.

I Got On TikTok For You

“Kids ages four to 15 now spend an average of … 80 minutes per day on TikTok. [TikTok] also drove growth in kids’ social app use by 100% in 2019 and 200% in 2020.” (Source)

41% of TikTok users are between the ages of 16-24. (Source)

TikTok is one of the fastest growing social media platforms in our country today. It has recently been given an unusual spotlight at the top government level as a place of potential information harvesting by foreign countries. Despite that concern, which is being addressed at higher security levels than I feel comfortable talking about, the app continues to grow in popularity. It has been downloaded over 2 billion times with over 800 million users (Source).

So, what is TikTok?

It’s basically a media app that can be used for creating and sharing short videos. The appeal of TikTok is that it offers short, bite-sized content that can be curated for your likes and dislikes. There are “sides” of TikTok based on specific interests and allegiances. There’s a cooking side of TikTok and a book lover’s side of TikTok; there’s a political and social issue side of TikTok (with every political and social issue you can think of ) and a Marvel superhero/DC Comic side of TikTok. If there’s a subject or passion out there…you’ll find it on TikTok.

The scrolling feature of TikTok makes it easy to keep going and going and going which is why it is easy for people to spend hours a day camped out there. And TikTok knows it! In fact, if you scroll too long, a video will pop up reminding you that life exists outside of TikTok and to put your phone down, take a walk, get a drink or use the restroom.

Since kids and youth spend so much time hanging out here, I thought it would be a good idea for me to be there too.

So, I performed an experiment.

For the past two weeks, I tried to spend at least 80 minutes a day scrolling through TikTok. Since TikTok’s algorithm does a good job of curating a specific space for people based on your likes, videos that you watch longest, and accounts you click on or follow, I did my best to use my For You page as a starting point but then searched around for other “sides” of TikTok that didn’t naturally show up in my feed.

Also, as a point of information, while I did create an account so I could like and share videos, I did not post anything or offer any pertinent info about myself to the app.

What did I find out?

It’s easy to hang out there.

There’s no pressure! No articles to read. No long clips to watch. Videos are short, if you don’t like it you can skip it, and it’s easy to share videos you like with friends. And frankly, a lot of the videos are really funny or sweet.

A Hamilton fan could spend hours on the Hamilton side of TikTok and someone who loves to cook would love the cooking side. But it’s not all fun and games.

There’s no real filter for content or language

While TikTok may have some basic filters in place, let’s be real – it doesn’t catch much. Unless you “skip quick” when something comes up, just assume users will be seeing and hearing things that would be regulated by ratings if put in a movie.

There are definitely dark sides of TikTok but mostly what shows up in the “For You” feed will be mild language and sexual innuendos. But it is possible for dark stuff to sneak it pretty easily.

People will follow stories

While there’s plenty of random funny or political videos out there, the draw for many people is someone’s story. For instance, there’s a dog named Josh who was rescued by a family. Josh has some health issues and his owners document his progress. Josh has over a million followers. Other users tell their stories of huge life changes (there’s an entire ex-Mormon side of TikTok) and surgeries and weight loss.

These stories are highly empathetic and emotional and often told in a series of short videos with the storyteller telling you to “Double tap for Part 2” (follow or like). A good TikTok-er knows how to draw out the story and make it last over several weeks to build up a following.

There are a lot of “agendas”

Of course there are! Every “side” of TikTok creates a space for a platform to push an issue, belief, or way of life. It’s easy to stumble into these stories with agendas from every spectrum and, because of the high empathy, to begin to get engrossed here.

Parents and ministers, this is WHY you need to be on TikTok. Even if you don’t allow your kids to have the app, their entire generation is learning to lean into story this way. We have to understand the power of story and empathy.

My takeaways? 

Just like every other major social media app out there, TikTok has its ups and downs. It’s a tool. What matters is how we use it. If the kids at your church or your child/teenager are hanging out on TikTok or have friends who are, you need to be there. You need to feel it like they do. You don’t have to like it. But you do need to get a feel for it and for why it has such a reach in the Gen Z and Millennial generations.

I will likely not continue my “80 minutes of TikTok” experiment at this time. For one, who has 80 minutes to spend scrolling on TikTok?!? But also, it was draining. The high empathy and emotion while simultaneously engaging and addicting was also exhausting and depleting. I want to ensure my emotional availability to those around me whose stories are unfolding in real life as we journey together. If I am to follow people’s stories, I want it to be the stories I have been invited into as a human being, not a TikTok user.

If you see a teen or youth who appears emotionally done in, ask them about who they follow on social media; it really could be that a great deal of their emotional energy is being spent there.

There’s much more that could be said and there are plenty of experts in psychology, development, and mental health that can share their thoughts as well. If you’d like to follow up, here are a few resources that might be helpful. It’s best to steer clear of resources that lean toward one side or the other (“It’s evil!”or “It’s fine, chill out.”). Try to find balanced reviews that acknowledge both the opportunities and the challenges. This is an important conversation to engage with the next generation so let’s be ready to meet them where they are.


Looking for a way to help parents/caregivers engage with their kids in everyday discipleship at home?

ReFocus Ministry is excited to offer “Everyday Discipleship: A Workshop for Parents/Caregivers.” This one-hour workshop covers an unlimited number of parents from your church to join us for a seminar including an Everyday Discipleship worksheet and follow-up resources for parents/caregivers focused on helping support and equip parents for faith formation in their homes.

This workshop has been widely attended by both ministers and parents alike with positive feedback on how it changed their perspective on discipleship in the home and got them excited about sharing their faith with their kids.

This webinar uses a Zoom format and is set up with an individualized code for your church only. All resources will be emailed prior to the webinar so you can distribute to parents with your regular communication.

Interested in learning more?

Fill out the form below with the Message: Everyday Discipleship and we will be in touch!


For more information about

Check out to ReFocus Ministry or “like” our Facebook page. Join our conversation at theReFocus Family and Intergen Ministry group on Facebook.

About this Blog

Refocus Ministry was started by Christina Embree, wife to Pastor Luke, mom to three wonderful kids, and church planter at Plowshares BIC. She also serves as the Minister of Generational Discipleship with the Great Lakes Conference of the Brethren in Christ.

With years of experience in family ministry and children’s ministry, she is passionate about seeing churches partnering with families to encourage faith formation at home and equipping parents to disciple their kids in the faith. She recently graduated with a Masters of Arts in Ministry focusing on Family, Youth and Children’s Ministry at Wesley Seminary, she also blogs at www.refocusministry.org and is a contributing blogger at D6 Family, ChurchLeaders.com, and Seedbed.

The Fallacy of Either/Or Ministry

“It’s the parent’s job to disciple their kids!”

“It’s the children’s pastor’s/youth pastor’s responsibility to teach kids about Jesus!”

“It’s the church’s role to be the context for discipleship.”

So often, the statements above are used in either/or arguments regarding Next Gen ministry. Books have been written comparing and contrasting the roles. Countless discussions have taken place online and in-person. Biblical, theological, and historical foundations have been presented. Developmental psychology, physiological milestones and cognitive abilities all consulted and taken into account.

What generally ends up happening is that people come to the same conclusion: All are needed but not all are equal.

Just like knobs on a sound board, people end up emphasizing one over another, which impacts how ministry is approached in their context.

  • If parents are the primary place of discipleship, there’s an emphasis on family ministry, parent ministry, home ministry, and the like.
  • If the primary place of discipleship is the church, Sunday school curriculum, youth programming, various age specific ministries and opportunities are emphasized and attendance and experience become markers of success.
  • If the primary place of discipleship is the faith community (think people, not program or building), the focus is more intergenerational with multi-generational opportunities, less age-specific programming, and more out-of-the-building relationships and contexts with pastoral staff playing a supportive role.

It is likely that you’ve seen one or more of these scenarios played out as in churches you’ve attended, visited, or served in.

Each approach has its opportunities and challenges. Each one meets a need and each one can stimulate spiritual growth.

The concern lies when only one of these areas is utilized for generational discipleship. 

It’s like trying to teach someone how to ride a bike but instead of giving them two wheels, a bike seat and handlebars, you only gave them one thing at a time. Yes, you could ride with only wheels but it’s gonna be a lot harder that if you had the whole bike.

I’m not a fan of the word “balance.”  Achieving balance seems like an unreachable goal for most of us and it just leads us to a feeling of ongoing defeat and failure. But I am a fan of the idea of “both/and; a ministry context that acknowledges the positive outcomes of each method and works to achieve a cohesive, unified approach to the work of discipleship.

Pause for a second and consider your own ministry context or church experience. Who carries the bulk of the discipleship load?  Does reality match messaging?

  • For instance, if a church messages that parents/caregivers at home are the primary means/place of discipleship, but only offer weekly age-specific programming with no support, nurture or equipping of parents, the reality is the church believes it is the central means by which discipleship happens. 
  • Or if a church states that it desires to be intergenerational and includes children in the worship service but never creates a space for children, youth, and parents to be connected with other members in meaningful ways like prayer partnership, shared learning experiences, or topical classes or studies (versus age specific), it is still placing the bulk of the discipleship load on the parent’s shoulders without sharing the responsibility.

The truth is, just like it is so often, is that we need all three working together in a cohesive manner in order for discipleship to take place.

The discipleship culture in churches needs to shift from “It’s so-and-so’s responsibility” to “It’s our responsibility.” 

The children’s/youth pastor cannot succeed without the whole community of the church linking arms with parents and children in a community of discipleship.

The parents cannot succeed without the prayers, support, and tools needed to remain relevant and untiring in the work of discipleship at home.

And the church cannot succeed in developing networks of mentorship, relationship and connection between generations if programming is consistently segregated by age and life experience.

Dr. Richard Ross, author of Youth Ministry that Lasts a Lifetime, after a substantial time spent researching youth group graduates who remain in the faith and connected with church, offered this recommendation to churches that he calls “Ministry in Thirds.”

1. A third of time and resources to accelerating the spiritual impact in teenagers’ homes

2. A third immersing every teenager in the full life and ministry of the congregation

3. A third leading what churches traditionally have considered youth ministry, targeted to the youth group

According to Ross, “Balancing these three elements may well lead to much higher percentages of teenagers loving God, loving people, and making disciples for a lifetime.”

This is an ongoing conversation that needs to be had in churches. Unless we know where we stand, we can’t know where we need to be going. Take some time and consider your own ministry context or church experience?  How might the resources listed above need to be reorganized in order to develop a holistic experience of lifelong generational discipleship? The outcome is worth whatever work it might take to engage all three discipleship arenas.


Ready to Start, Not Sure Where?

ReFocus Ministry is pleased to present a four-part webinar series on generational discipleship and connection for churches interested in exploring intergenerational ministry both in their church and in their homes.

Each session will focus on a unique aspect of gathering generations together, both the challenges and opportunities, as well as practical tips to begin implementing now during this time away from regular church gatherings. There are now TWO options for attending the webinar:

Sessions can be attended individually or all four can be attended as a series.

Session 1 – ReConnect. This first session of the webinar focuses on defining generations, generation gap, and the need for generational discipleship in your church. This is the “What” behind generational discipleship.

Session 2 – ReGenerate. This session focuses on the the research, the reasons, and the heart behind connecting generations from both a secular and spiritual viewpoint. This is the “Why” behind generational discipleship.

Session 3 – ReProduce. This session offers practical tips, strategies, and ideas to being connecting generations in your faith community and in homes in meaningful, lasting, life-changing ways. This is the “How” behind generational discipleship.

Session 4 – ReLease. It’s time to go and do! This session will provide a discussion and debrief around the questions, “What? So What? Now What?” and give you an starting point for incorporating generational discipleship as a meaningful part of your faith community. This is the “Who” behind generational discipleship at your church and in your home!

Anyone registered for all four sessions will receive a FREE half-hour coaching session/follow-up specific to your ministry needs.

To register, go to https://www.eventbrite.com/e/reconnect-a-webinar-for-generational-connections-tickets-121384392987. Questions? Feel free to email me at christina.m.embree@gmail.com. Can’t wait to journey with you!


For more information about

Check out to ReFocus Ministry or “like” our Facebook page. Join our conversation at theReFocus Family and Intergen Ministry group on Facebook.

About this Blog

Refocus Ministry was started by Christina Embree, wife to Pastor Luke, mom to three wonderful kids, and church planter at Plowshares BIC. She also serves as the Minister of Generational Discipleship with the Great Lakes Conference of the Brethren in Christ.

With years of experience in family ministry and children’s ministry, she is passionate about seeing churches partnering with families to encourage faith formation at home and equipping parents to disciple their kids in the faith. She recently graduated with a Masters of Arts in Ministry focusing on Family, Youth and Children’s Ministry at Wesley Seminary, she also blogs at www.refocusministry.org and is a contributing blogger at D6 Family, ChurchLeaders.com, and Seedbed.

All Hands On Deck: It’s Time to Be the Church

Today, just today, I got 15 emails from different teachers and schools informing me of many important things that I needed to follow up on with my kids who are currently learning at home. This is in addition to the Remind, Class DoJo and text notifications and emails related to work and home life.

And the thing is….all of the information matters.

These are not ignorable emails. Nearly every single one include the words “important” or “imperative.”  Each email must be read and gleaned for this important, imperative information and then disseminated appropriately to a calendar, a child, or another person.

It’s mentally taxing. It is also necessary if good communication is to happen.

Enter Church.

Children’s pastors, youth ministers, and NextGen leaders across the country are facing a dilemma. How can they communicate to weary-worn parents suffering from overcommunication? How can they get parents to respond, participate, and commit to being present if their voice is drowned out by the myriad of other urgent voices?  How can they do their job if the ones they are called to serve aren’t available to them?

Parents and caregivers are also faced with their own dilemma. How can they do it all?  Their energy wanes and, while they don’t want to put church in the backseat, once school is done and lessons are turned in and all the new information assimilated, the mental capacity to join another Zoom, fill out another form, and serve in another place is lagging.

There is no easy answer.

Some on either side of the equation have just thrown up their hands and said, “It’s too much” and are choosing to not do anything at this time. Others have decided to keep pushing forward with tenacity but end up frustrated by a lack of reciprocation.   Everyone is feeling the weariness creep in.

While the answers may not be “easy”, there are some ways to give both ministers and parents some space to breathe and to move forward together. It is going to require grace from and for each other AND it’s going to require an “all hands on deck” culture within the church.

This moment is the moment where connecting generations in meaningful relationships is more than a lofty goal but a necessary step in recovering discipleship momentum in homes and churches. 

Below are some ideas for helping the faith community come together to serve each other at this time.

  1. A NIGHT OFF– For many parents, the current COVID culture has them running from sunup to sundown with school to work to home life. What a blessing it would be if they knew, once or twice a month, a meal would be provided for their family and they’d have a night off to spend an evening together. Consider setting up a Meal Sharing program where older members of your church partner with a younger family to bring them a meal every once and a while.
    • Wanna bump this up a notch?  Create “Conversation Cards” around different discipleship topics and have the card delivered with the meal for the family to discuss as they eat.
    • On the Conversation Card include a list of resources for parents in case they’d like to discuss the topic further.
  • A NIGHT ON – The Zoom life has led to fatigue for both parents and kids and having to add another scheduled Zoom to the calendar can be disheartening. Consider creating a space on your webpage for families to access in their own time with videos and interactive activities that can be completed throughout the week or months.
    • Kick it up a notch by creating a “scavenger huntwhere they go through different clues which lead the through the videos and activities. Use text to send the clues to the family as they complete each task.
    • Create a fun prize for any family that completes the experience such as “Ice Cream On Us” for all (Use gift cards) or “Family Pizza Party” (Gift card) or “Game Night” (Board game for the family).
  • A “NIGHT” IN SHINING ARMOR – Some parents are looking for nothing more than a prayer, a pat on the back and maybe a momentary distraction from the stress. Sometimes the best gift is simply to show up with a word of encouragement and a quick prayer.
    • A friend recently shared that she has had her ministry team mobilized to stop by kids houses with milkshakes for the family, which is incredible. What if this was extended to the whole church for participation? What if older Sunday School classes “adopted” younger classes and took time to do these drive-by blessings?
    • For older congregation members who are homebound, consider giving them the names of families from your church and having them write notes of encouragement or prayers that could be delivered to them; be sure to include a return address and card for the family to respond in like – who knows where it could lead?

If the faith community comes together to support parents and children at this time, the future of the church will be one of more connection and relationship, which is a good thing for everyone.

While it may be tempting to try to keep things as “normal” as possible at church, the reality of the current situation means it’s unlikely that things will look the same as they have in the past. This is the time to mobilize the Church to be the community it has always claimed to be.


Ready to Start, Not Sure Where?

ReFocus Ministry is pleased to present a four-part webinar series on generational discipleship and connection for churches interested in exploring intergenerational ministry both in their church and in their homes. Each session will focus on a unique aspect of gathering generations together, both the challenges and opportunities, as well as practical tips to begin implementing now during this time away from regular church gatherings. There are now TWO options for attending the webinar:

Sessions can be attended individually or all four can be attended as a series.

Session 1 – ReConnect. This first session of the webinar focuses on defining generations, generation gap, and the need for generational discipleship in your church. This is the “What” behind generational discipleship.

Session 2 – ReGenerate. This session focuses on the the research, the reasons, and the heart behind connecting generations from both a secular and spiritual viewpoint. This is the “Why” behind generational discipleship.

Session 3 – ReProduce. This session offers practical tips, strategies, and ideas to being connecting generations in your faith community and in homes in meaningful, lasting, life-changing ways. This is the “How” behind generational discipleship.

Session 4 – ReLease. It’s time to go and do! This session will provide a discussion and debrief around the questions, “What? So What? Now What?” and give you an starting point for incorporating generational discipleship as a meaningful part of your faith community. This is the “Who” behind generational discipleship at your church and in your home!

Anyone registered for all four sessions will receive a FREE half-hour coaching session/follow-up specific to your ministry needs.

To register, go to https://www.eventbrite.com/e/reconnect-a-webinar-for-generational-connections-tickets-121384392987. Questions? Feel free to email me at christina.m.embree@gmail.com. Can’t wait to journey with you!


For more information about

Check out to ReFocus Ministry or “like” our Facebook page. Join our conversation at theReFocus Family and Intergen Ministry group on Facebook.

About this Blog

Refocus Ministry was started by Christina Embree, wife to Pastor Luke, mom to three wonderful kids, and church planter at Plowshares BIC. She also serves as the Minister of Generational Discipleship with the Great Lakes Conference of the Brethren in Christ.

With years of experience in family ministry and children’s ministry, she is passionate about seeing churches partnering with families to encourage faith formation at home and equipping parents to disciple their kids in the faith. She recently graduated with a Masters of Arts in Ministry focusing on Family, Youth and Children’s Ministry at Wesley Seminary, she also blogs at www.refocusministry.org and is a contributing blogger at D6 Family, ChurchLeaders.com, and Seedbed.

Greatest Challenge in Kidmin? Hint: It’s Not Parents

“A great deal of America’s social sickness comes from age segregation. If ten fourteen-year-olds are grouped together, they will form a Lord of the Flies culture with its competitiveness and meanness. But if ten people ages 2 to 80 are grouped together, they will fall into a natural age hierarchy that nurtures and teaches them all. For our own mental and societal health, we need to reconnect the age groups

Mary Pipher, Sociologist, 1999

Recently, I participated in a conversation with fellow kidmin ministers who were asked what the greatest challenge facing their ministry was. There was one answer that showed up over and over and over again: Parents. There was a general consensus that the greatest challenge facing children’s ministry were parents who were apathetic about spiritual formation, didn’t prioritize church, and didn’t take seriously their spiritual influence in their home and on their kids.

I did not, and do not, agree.

In fact, I don’t see parents as challenging at all. I see them as tired. I see them overwhelmed and under-supported. I see them as lonely and ill-equipped. And I see them as doing their very best to raise their kids in exactly the same way they were raised and their friends were raised.

There’s been an approach to spiritual formation in our churches where the work of discipleship is owned both by professionals (of which I am one) and mandated to parents (of which I am one). But this approach has been found lacking. There is one glaring oversight – relationships in community; a rich web of intergenerational connections committed to loving, supporting, and nurturing one another in daily life and spiritual growth. As a result, everyone is tired because everyone is trying to carry his/her own load with little to no support.

So how do we address this lack?

In regard to parents specifically, some clarifications are needed.  

1. It is not the parent’s “job” to disciple their kids. Parents/caregivers, in the context of the community of faith, have the most influence and therefore, are significant members of the discipleship team. But the entire faith community has a part to play in discipling the next generation and placing that task solely on the parents is a misstep.

2. Parents are often told they “should” disciple their kids. This poor word choice often makes it seem like parents have a choice in discipling their children. But the truth is, parents are the single most influential force in their children’s faith formation so whether intentional or not, they ARE discipling their kids. The goal, then, is to help them to approach this intentionally and equip them for that work. It’s not a “should”  – parents DO disciple their kids; it’s up to the community of faith to help them do so well. 

How does all of this relate to the quote at the beginning?

As noted by Pipher, one of the major disadvantages of age segregation is the creation of age homogenous environments where nearly everyone in one’s social circle are the same age. In other words, rather than having that rich web of relationships from people at different stages of life and health to support each other, we’re all grasping at people who are just like us. And believe it or not, that actually increases our feelings of isolation and helplessness.

Studies show that age homogeneity in social networks leads to isolation and loneliness. Younger people experience delayed socialization. Older people experience a lack of generativity needed for positive cognitive health (Source). And sometimes, the way those things manifest, are in things like apathy, busyness, and disconnection….sound familiar?

Lifelong discipleship necessitates interactions with multiple generations.

Scottie May of Wheaton College points out that “Within many churches today, children and parents rarely share experiences. This generational separation makes it difficult for parents to learn how to nurture their children spiritually” (Source). Combine that with a lack of intergenerational relationships in the church and what we are left with are lonely, exhausted parents, disillusioned ministers, and a congregation just waiting to be connected together, on mission, in relationship, with each other and with God.

The importance of intergenerational connectivity in meaningful relationships cannot be underestimated especially when it comes to relationships within a faith community. 

These relationships sustain us. They combat apathy with genuine care. They reduce the need to hide in busyness by creating safe spaces to learn and grow. They nullify the disconnection by normalizing shared experiences and life on mission.

I truly believe this is the biggest challenge facing, not only children’s ministry, but the Church in general. But this is not a “forever and always” situation. We can begin to create connections within our churches and our homes that will lead to more engage parents, kids, and congregation.

This will require us to move beyond our programs and our buildings and begin to forge space for meaningful relationships and nurturing community. But the payoffs in terms of community and discipleship are so worth it.


Ready to Start, Not Sure Where?

ReFocus Ministry is pleased to present a four-part webinar series on generational discipleship and connection for churches interested in exploring intergenerational ministry both in their church and in their homes. Each session will focus on a unique aspect of gathering generations together, both the challenges and opportunities, as well as practical tips to begin implementing now during this time away from regular church gatherings.

Sessions can be attended individually or all four can be attended as a series.

Session 1 – ReConnect. This first session of the webinar focuses on defining generations, generation gap, and the need for generational discipleship in your church. This is the “What” behind generational discipleship.

Session 1 has already happened but a recording as well as Session 1 materials can be sent to anyone who registers this week!

Session 2 – ReGenerate. This session focuses on the the research, the reasons, and the heart behind connecting generations from both a secular and spiritual viewpoint. This is the “Why” behind generational discipleship.

Session 3 – ReProduce. This session offers practical tips, strategies, and ideas to being connecting generations in your faith community and in homes in meaningful, lasting, life-changing ways. This is the “How” behind generational discipleship.

Session 4 – ReLease. It’s time to go and do! This session will provide a discussion and debrief around the questions, “What? So What? Now What?” and give you an starting point for incorporating generational discipleship as a meaningful part of your faith community. This is the “Who” behind generational discipleship at your church and in your home!

Anyone registered for all four sessions will receive a FREE half-hour coaching session/follow-up specific to your ministry needs.

To register, go to https://www.eventbrite.com/e/reconnect-a-webinar-for-generational-connections-tickets-116093734485. Questions? Feel free to email me at christina.m.embree@gmail.com. Can’t wait to journey with you!


For more information about

Check out to ReFocus Ministry or “like” our Facebook page. Join our conversation at theReFocus Family and Intergen Ministry group on Facebook.

About this Blog

Refocus Ministry was started by Christina Embree, wife to Pastor Luke, mom to three wonderful kids, and church planter at Plowshares BIC. She also serves as the Minister of Generational Discipleship with the Great Lakes Conference of the Brethren in Christ.

With years of experience in family ministry and children’s ministry, she is passionate about seeing churches partnering with families to encourage faith formation at home and equipping parents to disciple their kids in the faith. She recently graduated with a Masters of Arts in Ministry focusing on Family, Youth and Children’s Ministry at Wesley Seminary, she also blogs at www.refocusministry.org and is a contributing blogger at D6 Family, ChurchLeaders.com, and Seedbed.

“It Was In The Bulletin”

My family recently went through a scare: My daughter and some of her friends were in our local mall when a shooting occurred. It was, as you can imagine, a terrifying experience for all and we are grateful that we were able to get to the girls as quickly as we did and the impact on them was frightening but minimal. I bring this up only to illustrate a point.

When the event happened, all of us immediately turned to our phones to get the news to find out what had actually taken place. My husband and I jumped on Facebook, the girls jumped on Instagram, and our family in other states turned to Google for information.

As a result, the information we were gleaning about a single event had a very different feel and unique content depending on where we accessed it.

My information came almost entirely from local news stations, my daughter and her friends were seeing a lot of “first hand” videos and testimonies, and my out-of-state family was getting Associate Press updates.

The result? We all had bits and pieces of information about the incident but none of us had the whole story.

It was as if we all had pieces to a puzzle, some more than others, but none of us had the entire picture. It took coming together, talking to each other, and giving enough time and space for information to be made public for the puzzle to come together.

Not surprisingly, this example of information gathering is a characteristic of the generation gap we experience in America. The advancement of technology has impacted how and with whom we communicate.

Age segregation can be found in digital constructs of media, social media and communication. 


Sassi, 2005, p. 684-700

Information is distributed through a variety of means from digital to print, radio to television, word of mouth to public speaking. However, more and more, the move from traditional print materials, radio news, and face-to-face conversations towards digital, video and public voices is changing the landscape of information distribution and consumption.

Due simply to a lack of access or lack of ability to use digital constructs, older adults can be unintentionally excluded from certain forms of digital communication (Source). Conversely, due to a lack of lack of access or lack of knowledge to use non-digital constructs, younger generations are unexposed to things like print media and in-person interactions. These technological and communication differences act to perpetuate the digital divide between generations.

Research gathered by Pew Research show that over 90% of young adults ages 18-29 are active on social media as compared to only 35% of older Americans, 65 years of age and older.

  • Sprout Social reports that 72% of 13-17 year olds and 64% of 18-29 year olds use Instagram while only 21% of 50-64 year olds and 10% of 65+ year olds use Instagram.
  • Of 271,000,000 Twitter users who are active every month the number of users between 51 and 60 years was roughly 2,981,000 or about 1% of the users.
  • Princeton and New York University researchers found that eleven percent of users older than 65 shared an article consistent with the study’s definition of fake news. Just 3% of users ages 18 to 29 did the same.

Changes in technology and communication have consequently exacerbated the gap between the youngest and oldest generations leading to a continued growth in age segregation and generational divide.

Rather than create an inclusive space that leads to more conversation, the lack of intergenerational connectivity has caused more isolation.

Churches can fall into this same pattern of generational hit-or-miss communication by choosing avenues that appeal to certain age groups while neglecting others. In her book Faith Formation 2.0, Julie Anne Lytle looks at the different generations that are typically represented in an average church and how they tend to communicate. She offers the thought that if we are not communicating an event or offering communication in at least seven unique formats, we are missing someone in our audience.

How does that play out?

Let’s say that the church is hosting a Combined Worship services where all church members, regardless of age or preferred worship style, will attend. In order to ensure that this is communicated to the entire audience a church will want to:

  1. Announce the service from the pulpit
  2. Place an announcement with date, time, and description in the bulletin
  3. Send an email (or two) to the entire congregation
  4. Place all pertinent information on the website in more than one location
  5. Include information on social media platforms
  6. Send a text message to members who have indicated text as a preferred method of communication
  7. Offer a personal invitation to members (visit the youth group, drop by a Sunday School class, phone call, etc.)

That may feel like overkill but each generation will tend to access the information in different ways and if one avenue is overlooked, there is a potential that someone may never know the event is happening.

There is a tee shirt that is frequently worn in KidMin circles that simply says, “It was in the bulletin!” Often, children’s pastor and youth ministers express frustration that members will tell them that they didn’t know an event was happening. But that truly could be because the information wasn’t offered in a format that is normally accessed by that person or group of people so, in their mind, the event was never announced.

Fortunately, once we realize the importance of communication platforms and how to access generations, we have a much better chance of bridging the gap and finding ways to bring generations together.

In fact, just as was highlighted above, each generation likely brings an important piece to the puzzle and together we can see the whole picture. Creating space in our churches for this to happen is one way we can begin to integrate the ages in our faith communities and move forward in serving the Lord and each other together.


Ready to Start, Not Sure Where?

ReFocus Ministry is pleased to present a four-part webinar series on generational discipleship and connection for churches interested in exploring intergenerational ministry both in their church and in their homes. Each session will focus on a unique aspect of gathering generations together, both the challenges and opportunities, as well as practical tips to begin implementing now during this time away from regular church gatherings.

Sessions can be attended individually or all four can be attended as a series.

Session 1 – ReConnect. This first session of the webinar focuses on defining generations, generation gap, and the need for generational discipleship in your church. This is the “What” behind generational discipleship.

Session 2 – ReGenerate. This session focuses on the the research, the reasons, and the heart behind connecting generations from both a secular and spiritual viewpoint. This is the “Why” behind generational discipleship.

Session 3 – ReProduce. This session offers practical tips, strategies, and ideas to being connecting generations in your faith community and in homes in meaningful, lasting, life-changing ways. This is the “How” behind generational discipleship.

Session 4 – ReLease. It’s time to go and do! This session will provide a discussion and debrief around the questions, “What? So What? Now What?” and give you an starting point for incorporating generational discipleship as a meaningful part of your faith community. This is the “Who” behind generational discipleship at your church and in your home!

Anyone registered for all four sessions will receive a FREE half-hour coaching session/follow-up specific to your ministry needs.

To register, go to https://www.eventbrite.com/e/reconnect-a-webinar-for-generational-connections-tickets-116093734485. Questions? Feel free to email me at christina.m.embree@gmail.com. Can’t wait to journey with you!


For more information about

Check out to ReFocus Ministry or “like” our Facebook page. Join our conversation at theReFocus Family and Intergen Ministry group on Facebook.

About this Blog

Refocus Ministry was started by Christina Embree, wife to Pastor Luke, mom to three wonderful kids, and church planter at Plowshares BIC. She also serves as the Minister of Generational Discipleship with the Great Lakes Conference of the Brethren in Christ.

With years of experience in family ministry and children’s ministry, she is passionate about seeing churches partnering with families to encourage faith formation at home and equipping parents to disciple their kids in the faith. She recently graduated with a Masters of Arts in Ministry focusing on Family, Youth and Children’s Ministry at Wesley Seminary, she also blogs at www.refocusministry.org and is a contributing blogger at D6 Family, ChurchLeaders.com, and Seedbed.

Emotions Running A Little High? What we do matters

I read an interesting study the other day regarding mothers and their newborn babies (through 14 months old). The study looked at how the mothers responded to their baby and how their own mothers had responded to them when they were a baby. The study predicted that “mothers who recalled their own mothers as high on nonsupportive responses to their distress in childhood engaged in more self-focused and negative cry processing at 6 months, which in turn predicted less supportive responding to their toddlers in distressing situations.” The study supported their prediction and concluded that “remembered childhood emotion socialization experiences have longstanding consequences for subsequent social behavior, including parenting the next generation” (Source).

That’s a LOT of big words to say, how we, as parents and involved adults, respond to our children’s emotion, no matter how young, has a long-term impact on them and on our grandchildren. And that seems really important to remember in 2020.

Has there ever been such a highly emotional period in our lifetime? Certainly not in mine and, I suspect, not in the lifetime of many who read this blog. But definitely not in our children’s lifetime. We have been blessed in this country to have had a fairly quiet period that our children have been raised in. Of course, there have been ups and downs, but not the emotionally-gripping scenarios that we are currently facing.

COVID 19 has dramatically changed the face of our children’s environments and culture. School looks different. Home looks different. Hanging out with friends looks different. Milestones like graduating or getting a driver’s license or having a birthday party or advancing to a new grade or going to school for the first time looks different. Everything looks different.

Most kids are spending a lot more time in virtual environments like Zoom calls and Facetime and other spaces like online games, social media sites, and watching television. “Nearly half of American children spend more than six hours a day in front of a screen — a shocking 500 percent increase in usage prior to the contagion’s spread, according to a survey of 3,000 parents conducted by the advocacy group ParentsTogether” (Source).

And their emotions have followed suit. Mental health experts are warning us that these new environments wrought with worry and unknowns will have a lasting impact on our children’s mental and emotional health (Source).

But let’s go back to that first study. We are not without hope. In fact, we have a unique opportunity as parents, grandparents, other involved adults and ministers at this time to impact not only our children but the next generation of children through how we respond to our kids at this time. And when I say “our kids”, I mean collectively our kids, the generation of newborn to 18 yr olds that are looking to us right now to see their emotion, to embrace their actions and reactions, and to respond in ways that promote faith, grace, and health.

How can we do that?

There are many ways and I am not a mental health expert or a licensed counselor so I do not want to overstep my own space as a minister and a mom. I will provide a list of sites at the end of this post that I have found helpful. But as a minister and a mom who believes in the power of intergenerational community and the love of God, I offer a few ideas that might be helpful as we reflect on this holy call.

Surround your kids with positive influences

Now more than ever, we have the opportunity to create spaces for our children that we can have some control over. Connect with fellow adults you trust and invite them to build relationships with your children so that they have people to go to with their questions and fears besides you. Your faith community should be a place where your children know that they are loved and prayed for.

I often ask my kids to name five adults besides mom and dad that they know love them and pray for them; if they can’t, I start looking for people to fill that role so that they always know they are a part of a community that cares.

Plan your Action instead of Reaction

When emotions are high, it is easy to react instead of act. Something happens, words get said, tempers erupt, tears fall and everyone leaves feeling worse than when things started. It is always better to have an action plan than to fall prey to reacting.

Start with prayer, on our own, every day, and with a community praying with you if possible. If you are at a loss for words, I cannot recommend using the book of Psalms as a guide for prayer and for wisdom enough. As we ask God to go before us in meeting our children in their emotional needs, the Spirit will prepare our hearts for action and their hearts to receive.

Some ideas for an older child/teen could be saying things like, “I know you are feeling a lot of emotion right now and I want to respond well. Let’s talk in 15 minutes once we are both less emotional.” For a younger child, often a few minutes of snuggling or a distraction such as a book or toy or praying with them. A little bit of time can go a long way in mitigating emotional outbursts that later on we might regret.

Acknowledge the Unknown, Point to the Known

With so much uncertainty in our daily lives, it can feel like the unknown is looming around every turn. Will there be school or won’t there? Will we get to go to the church building or worship from home? When can I see my friends? What is vacation going to look like? Each day there are questions without answers and that can be emotionally draining for adults and children alike.

Pretending all of that doesn’t exist or ignoring the dilemmas raised by these questions doesn’t make the stress disappear. It is better for us to acknowledge that there is a lot we don’t know…but don’t leave it there. Take them time to remind your children what we do know!

We know that God loves us and that He will take care of us.

We know that we belong to a family that loves us and a bigger faith family who is praying with us.

We know that God promises to be with us always as Immanuel, God with us.

We know that God is big enough to handle our doubts, questions, and unbridled emotions and still love us unconditionally.

We know that laughter and joy still ring out across the world; that good things are happening, that people are still serving others and speaking up for the oppressed and ministering to the marginalized and we can be part of that – we can serve and share life and light with this world.

And as parents, grandparents, friends, and ministers, we can do all of that, starting in our own homes and our own congregation with the next generation who desperately need to know we are here for them.

Resources for Parents


For more information about

Check out to ReFocus Ministry or “like” our Facebook page. Join our conversation at theReFocus Family and Intergen Ministry group on Facebook.

About this Blog
The Embree Family

Refocus Ministry was started by Christina Embree, wife to Pastor Luke, mom to three wonderful kids, and church planter at Plowshares BIC. She also serves as the Minister of Generational Discipleship with the Great Lakes Conference of the Brethren in Christ.

With years of experience in family ministry and children’s ministry, she is passionate about seeing churches partnering with families to encourage faith formation at home and equipping parents to disciple their kids in the faith. She recently graduated with a Masters of Arts in Ministry focusing on Family, Youth and Children’s Ministry at Wesley Seminary, she also blogs at www.refocusministry.org and is a contributing blogger at D6 Family, ChurchLeaders.com, and Seedbed.

Why I Won’t Quit Social Media

Over the past few weeks, I’ve seen a number of my Christian friends post that because of the divisive nature of social media, they will be deleting their account and no longer present in that space. Reasons for doing so range from political to personal, and while I do understand that for one’s mental health, a step away from social media might be necessary, I question if a complete break is the best call for Christians. Bear with me as I explain.

I currently live in Lexington, Kentucky. In Lexington there are over a hundred murals painted on the sides of buildings, in alleys, up and down streets, throughout the city.

Each mural has a story. Each story is a part of what makes Lexington the city that it is. 

Our church hosted the walk through the city as part of our Lex Get Together activities aimed at helping people who are new to the city get to know it better and those who are old to the city to learn something new. We figured there’s no better way to get to know a place and the people who live there than to explore it, engage with it, and experience it.

Which is why I have an Instagram account.

You see, I’m the mother of an almost 17 year old and a 14 year old. Her “city” is Instagram. Her “streets” are the people she follows. Her “murals” are found in that lovely search feature at the bottom of the screen. And her community is found in the multiple group conversations she is a part of.

Each image has a story. Each story is a part of what make their world what it is. 

Realistically, I know this is, like everything is, a phase that she is going through, an experiential stage common to most kids her age. I don’t think that for the rest of her life she will “live” there but for now, it’s where she is interacting with people on a daily basis. More importantly, her generation is there. Even if she wasn’t present on a social media platform, the majority of her friends and fellow Gen Zers are there.

And I need to be there.

I need to be on her streets and in her community. I need to understand viral videos, trending memes, and the language that is spoken. More than that, I need to be aware of the messages that are being given and received, not so that I can control them, but so I can have a conversation about them.

Children and youth are our first ministry but if we are not where they are, if we are not engaged, not experiencing their world, we will have a much more difficult time having conversations that lead to discipleship and faith formation.

I get made fun of by my girls for being old and not understanding all the things, but that doesn’t deter me from remaining engaged and aware. If I’m willing to walk the streets of a city so I can know it better, I’m definitely willing to scroll through a social media app to know my children better.

Be where your kids and their friends are. Be present and aware.

Ask questions like, “Have you seen anything interesting lately?” and “What’s new on Instagram?” For younger children, let them sit with you and see how you interact with people. Teach them healthy ways to engage digitally with you because one day, even if it’s after they leave your home, they will engage.

Establish the culture of loving God and loving others in all areas of life, including the digital one, so that even when you are not there, they will be able to approach technology of godly, responsible ways.

Discipleship at home is more than family devotions and Bible stories before bedtime. It’s intentionally welcoming Christ into every area of our lives and looking for opportunities to grow our faith no matter where we are and helping our children to see Him.

Note: In our home, we have limited the social media world our older kids have access to one location so that it is easier for us to engage and interact. Each family understandably needs to find their own rhythm and guidelines, but whatever those end up being, just make sure that you are there. You can follow me on Instagram @christinaembree.


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About this Blog
The Embree Family

Refocus Ministry was started by Christina Embree, wife to Pastor Luke, mom to three wonderful kids, and church planter at Plowshares BIC. She also serves as the Minister of Generational Discipleship with the Great Lakes Conference of the Brethren in Christ.

With years of experience in family ministry and children’s ministry, she is passionate about seeing churches partnering with families to encourage faith formation at home and equipping parents to disciple their kids in the faith. She recently graduated with a Masters of Arts in Ministry focusing on Family, Youth and Children’s Ministry at Wesley Seminary, she also blogs at www.refocusministry.org and is a contributing blogger at D6 Family, ChurchLeaders.com, and Seedbed.