I agree. We should stop dragging kids to “big church.”
But probably not for the reason you think.
You know the conversation. A child doesn’t want to sit through the worship service. A parent doesn’t want Sunday morning to become a weekly battle. And eventually someone says something along the lines of, “Why would I drag my kid into big church when they don’t want to be there?”
Fair question. No one likes to be dragged anywhere. But maybe the problem isn’t that children don’t belong in the gathered worship of the church Maybe the problem is that we’ve created a gathering they experience as belonging to someone else.
This came up recently in a conversation on Facebook, and I found myself asking:
What if “big church” wasn’t targeted to “bigs” and instead embraced the whole community, providing opportunities to worship in age-sensitive ways that encouraged relationships and mutual respect so that instead of dragging your kids to a program created and curated for adults, you worshiped and learned with them in a gathering intended for the whole congregation, not just a few specific people?
Because the question shouldn’t simply be, “Should children be in the worship service?” The better question is, “Has our worshiping community been created with children—and all generations—in mind?”
Those are two very different questions.
Simply putting children into an adult-centered worship service isn’t necessarily intergenerational worship. Sometimes it’s just children sitting in adult church.
We can say, “Everyone is welcome here,” but our practices often communicate something different. Children go here. Teenagers go there. Adults gather here. Older adults meet over there. And then, at some point, children reach the magical age when they are expected to graduate into “big church.”
But think about what that language communicates. There’s their church. And there’s big church. There’s the place designed for them and the place designed for someone else.
Then one day, we expect them to walk into that someone-else space, understand the rhythms, appreciate the music, engage with the teaching, sit appropriately, participate meaningfully, and—most importantly—feel like they belong.
Belonging doesn’t magically happen because you’ve reached a certain age. Belonging grows through relationships, participation, shared experiences, and the repeated assurance: You are wanted here.
Jesus gives us a rather compelling picture of welcome in Mark 9. He takes a child and brings that child into the midst of the disciples. He takes the child into His arms and tells them, “Whoever welcomes one of these little children in my name welcomes me.”
Jesus doesn’t merely allow the child to remain in the room.
He brings the child into the center. There’s a difference.
Sometimes our approach to children in corporate worship amounts to, “Of course they can stay.” And that’s a start. But there is a significant difference between being allowed to stay and knowing you belong.
What if we moved beyond tolerating the presence of children and started designing our gatherings with the expectation that they—and everyone else—are part of the worshiping community?
Now whenever I start talking about making worship more accessible to children, there can be an immediate assumption that I mean making everything…childish. I don’t.
Every sermon doesn’t need puppets. Every song doesn’t need hand motions. And adults don’t need to sacrifice meaningful worship so children can be entertained.
In fact, entertainment isn’t the goal at all. Participation is.
Age-sensitive worship recognizes that people of different ages engage in different ways while still worshiping together.
A child might draw while listening to Scripture. A teenager might help lead a prayer. An adult might quietly explain part of the service to the child sitting beside them. An older adult might share a testimony. A preschooler might dance during a song while the person next to them stands quietly and sings. And somehow, in all that difference, we are the body of Christ.
That requires mutual respect. It means adults recognize that children may move, wiggle, whisper, ask questions, and occasionally make noise. It means children are invited to learn what it means to participate in communal worship, not simply given something to keep them occupied until it’s over.
And it means churches stop asking only, “How can we get kids into the service?” Instead, we ask: “What needs to change about our gathering so everyone knows this is our church?”
So yes. Stop dragging kids to “big church.”
Stop dragging them into a gathering designed almost exclusively around adult preferences and then wondering why they aren’t excited to be there.
Stop expecting proximity to create belonging.
Stop waiting until they are “old enough” to introduce them to the worshiping community and then wondering why that community feels foreign and they say that they don’t belong.
Instead, welcome them. Know them. Make room for them. Give them meaningful ways to participate.
Let them see adults worship. Let adults see them worship. Give them opportunities to know people who aren’t their parents, teachers, or peers. Let them grow up knowing that the church isn’t a collection of age-specific programs they graduate through. It is a community, made up of people, connected in relationships and lifelong discipleship.
Then maybe then we won’t need to drag them into “big church.” Because there won’t be “kids church” and “big church.” There will simply be Church. A place where they have always been known, always been needed, and always belonged.
COMING SOON: Intergenerational By Design Launch Team
Would you like to be part of the launch of Christina’s new book, Intergenerational By Design: Becoming a Church that Disciples All Ages & Stages Together, releasing January 2027!
- Pre-order the book at an exclusive discounted price
- Read the book before its official release
- Join me for live online Q&A and conversation in November
- Help us spread the word about the book and its message
About the Author
Dr. Christina Embree is the founder and director of ReFocus Ministry and the author of Intergenerational By Design (David C Cook, January 2027). She holds a Doctor of Ministry in Spiritual Formation, specializing in age segregation and intergenerational ministry, and a master’s degree in Children, Youth, and Family Ministry.
An internationally recognized speaker, coach, and author, Christina equips churches across denominations to cultivate lifelong discipleship through meaningful relationships across generations.
She also serves as Minister of Generational Discipleship for the Great Lakes Conference of the Brethren in Christ and as NextGen Pastor at Open Door Church in Lexington, Kentucky. A wife, mother of three, and lifelong advocate for the church, Christina is passionate about helping every generation belong, grow, and follow Jesus together.