Emotions Running A Little High? What we do matters

I read an interesting study the other day regarding mothers and their newborn babies (through 14 months old). The study looked at how the mothers responded to their baby and how their own mothers had responded to them when they were a baby. The study predicted that “mothers who recalled their own mothers as high on nonsupportive responses to their distress in childhood engaged in more self-focused and negative cry processing at 6 months, which in turn predicted less supportive responding to their toddlers in distressing situations.” The study supported their prediction and concluded that “remembered childhood emotion socialization experiences have longstanding consequences for subsequent social behavior, including parenting the next generation” (Source).

That’s a LOT of big words to say, how we, as parents and involved adults, respond to our children’s emotion, no matter how young, has a long-term impact on them and on our grandchildren. And that seems really important to remember in 2020.

Has there ever been such a highly emotional period in our lifetime? Certainly not in mine and, I suspect, not in the lifetime of many who read this blog. But definitely not in our children’s lifetime. We have been blessed in this country to have had a fairly quiet period that our children have been raised in. Of course, there have been ups and downs, but not the emotionally-gripping scenarios that we are currently facing.

COVID 19 has dramatically changed the face of our children’s environments and culture. School looks different. Home looks different. Hanging out with friends looks different. Milestones like graduating or getting a driver’s license or having a birthday party or advancing to a new grade or going to school for the first time looks different. Everything looks different.

Most kids are spending a lot more time in virtual environments like Zoom calls and Facetime and other spaces like online games, social media sites, and watching television. “Nearly half of American children spend more than six hours a day in front of a screen — a shocking 500 percent increase in usage prior to the contagion’s spread, according to a survey of 3,000 parents conducted by the advocacy group ParentsTogether” (Source).

And their emotions have followed suit. Mental health experts are warning us that these new environments wrought with worry and unknowns will have a lasting impact on our children’s mental and emotional health (Source).

But let’s go back to that first study. We are not without hope. In fact, we have a unique opportunity as parents, grandparents, other involved adults and ministers at this time to impact not only our children but the next generation of children through how we respond to our kids at this time. And when I say “our kids”, I mean collectively our kids, the generation of newborn to 18 yr olds that are looking to us right now to see their emotion, to embrace their actions and reactions, and to respond in ways that promote faith, grace, and health.

How can we do that?

There are many ways and I am not a mental health expert or a licensed counselor so I do not want to overstep my own space as a minister and a mom. I will provide a list of sites at the end of this post that I have found helpful. But as a minister and a mom who believes in the power of intergenerational community and the love of God, I offer a few ideas that might be helpful as we reflect on this holy call.

Surround your kids with positive influences

Now more than ever, we have the opportunity to create spaces for our children that we can have some control over. Connect with fellow adults you trust and invite them to build relationships with your children so that they have people to go to with their questions and fears besides you. Your faith community should be a place where your children know that they are loved and prayed for.

I often ask my kids to name five adults besides mom and dad that they know love them and pray for them; if they can’t, I start looking for people to fill that role so that they always know they are a part of a community that cares.

Plan your Action instead of Reaction

When emotions are high, it is easy to react instead of act. Something happens, words get said, tempers erupt, tears fall and everyone leaves feeling worse than when things started. It is always better to have an action plan than to fall prey to reacting.

Start with prayer, on our own, every day, and with a community praying with you if possible. If you are at a loss for words, I cannot recommend using the book of Psalms as a guide for prayer and for wisdom enough. As we ask God to go before us in meeting our children in their emotional needs, the Spirit will prepare our hearts for action and their hearts to receive.

Some ideas for an older child/teen could be saying things like, “I know you are feeling a lot of emotion right now and I want to respond well. Let’s talk in 15 minutes once we are both less emotional.” For a younger child, often a few minutes of snuggling or a distraction such as a book or toy or praying with them. A little bit of time can go a long way in mitigating emotional outbursts that later on we might regret.

Acknowledge the Unknown, Point to the Known

With so much uncertainty in our daily lives, it can feel like the unknown is looming around every turn. Will there be school or won’t there? Will we get to go to the church building or worship from home? When can I see my friends? What is vacation going to look like? Each day there are questions without answers and that can be emotionally draining for adults and children alike.

Pretending all of that doesn’t exist or ignoring the dilemmas raised by these questions doesn’t make the stress disappear. It is better for us to acknowledge that there is a lot we don’t know…but don’t leave it there. Take them time to remind your children what we do know!

We know that God loves us and that He will take care of us.

We know that we belong to a family that loves us and a bigger faith family who is praying with us.

We know that God promises to be with us always as Immanuel, God with us.

We know that God is big enough to handle our doubts, questions, and unbridled emotions and still love us unconditionally.

We know that laughter and joy still ring out across the world; that good things are happening, that people are still serving others and speaking up for the oppressed and ministering to the marginalized and we can be part of that – we can serve and share life and light with this world.

And as parents, grandparents, friends, and ministers, we can do all of that, starting in our own homes and our own congregation with the next generation who desperately need to know we are here for them.

Resources for Parents


For more information about

Check out to ReFocus Ministry or “like” our Facebook page. Join our conversation at theReFocus Family and Intergen Ministry group on Facebook.

About this Blog
The Embree Family

Refocus Ministry was started by Christina Embree, wife to Pastor Luke, mom to three wonderful kids, and church planter at Plowshares BIC. She also serves as the Minister of Generational Discipleship with the Great Lakes Conference of the Brethren in Christ.

With years of experience in family ministry and children’s ministry, she is passionate about seeing churches partnering with families to encourage faith formation at home and equipping parents to disciple their kids in the faith. She recently graduated with a Masters of Arts in Ministry focusing on Family, Youth and Children’s Ministry at Wesley Seminary, she also blogs at www.refocusministry.org and is a contributing blogger at D6 Family, ChurchLeaders.com, and Seedbed.

Why I Won’t Quit Social Media

Over the past few weeks, I’ve seen a number of my Christian friends post that because of the divisive nature of social media, they will be deleting their account and no longer present in that space. Reasons for doing so range from political to personal, and while I do understand that for one’s mental health, a step away from social media might be necessary, I question if a complete break is the best call for Christians. Bear with me as I explain.

I currently live in Lexington, Kentucky. In Lexington there are over a hundred murals painted on the sides of buildings, in alleys, up and down streets, throughout the city.

Each mural has a story. Each story is a part of what makes Lexington the city that it is. 

Our church hosted the walk through the city as part of our Lex Get Together activities aimed at helping people who are new to the city get to know it better and those who are old to the city to learn something new. We figured there’s no better way to get to know a place and the people who live there than to explore it, engage with it, and experience it.

Which is why I have an Instagram account.

You see, I’m the mother of an almost 17 year old and a 14 year old. Her “city” is Instagram. Her “streets” are the people she follows. Her “murals” are found in that lovely search feature at the bottom of the screen. And her community is found in the multiple group conversations she is a part of.

Each image has a story. Each story is a part of what make their world what it is. 

Realistically, I know this is, like everything is, a phase that she is going through, an experiential stage common to most kids her age. I don’t think that for the rest of her life she will “live” there but for now, it’s where she is interacting with people on a daily basis. More importantly, her generation is there. Even if she wasn’t present on a social media platform, the majority of her friends and fellow Gen Zers are there.

And I need to be there.

I need to be on her streets and in her community. I need to understand viral videos, trending memes, and the language that is spoken. More than that, I need to be aware of the messages that are being given and received, not so that I can control them, but so I can have a conversation about them.

Children and youth are our first ministry but if we are not where they are, if we are not engaged, not experiencing their world, we will have a much more difficult time having conversations that lead to discipleship and faith formation.

I get made fun of by my girls for being old and not understanding all the things, but that doesn’t deter me from remaining engaged and aware. If I’m willing to walk the streets of a city so I can know it better, I’m definitely willing to scroll through a social media app to know my children better.

Be where your kids and their friends are. Be present and aware.

Ask questions like, “Have you seen anything interesting lately?” and “What’s new on Instagram?” For younger children, let them sit with you and see how you interact with people. Teach them healthy ways to engage digitally with you because one day, even if it’s after they leave your home, they will engage.

Establish the culture of loving God and loving others in all areas of life, including the digital one, so that even when you are not there, they will be able to approach technology of godly, responsible ways.

Discipleship at home is more than family devotions and Bible stories before bedtime. It’s intentionally welcoming Christ into every area of our lives and looking for opportunities to grow our faith no matter where we are and helping our children to see Him.

Note: In our home, we have limited the social media world our older kids have access to one location so that it is easier for us to engage and interact. Each family understandably needs to find their own rhythm and guidelines, but whatever those end up being, just make sure that you are there. You can follow me on Instagram @christinaembree.


For more information about

Check out to ReFocus Ministry or “like” our Facebook page. Join our conversation at theReFocus Family and Intergen Ministry group on Facebook.

About this Blog
The Embree Family

Refocus Ministry was started by Christina Embree, wife to Pastor Luke, mom to three wonderful kids, and church planter at Plowshares BIC. She also serves as the Minister of Generational Discipleship with the Great Lakes Conference of the Brethren in Christ.

With years of experience in family ministry and children’s ministry, she is passionate about seeing churches partnering with families to encourage faith formation at home and equipping parents to disciple their kids in the faith. She recently graduated with a Masters of Arts in Ministry focusing on Family, Youth and Children’s Ministry at Wesley Seminary, she also blogs at www.refocusministry.org and is a contributing blogger at D6 Family, ChurchLeaders.com, and Seedbed.

Don’t Post That! How Fake News impacts Generational Discipleship

The term “generation gap” is a pretty common one: it refers the perceived differences between generations. In the past, I have emphasized the word “perceived” when talking about age segregation in society and the church.  But lately an important real, not perceived, difference has taken on a great deal of importance in society. This is a difference based on one’s understanding and grasp of social media, how it works, and how to engage with it properly.

With the current global pandemic and social unrest, more and more people are turning to social media as a platform for debate, protests, reform, and politics. And there are some inherent dangers in that, especially when misinformation is viral.

Research has been been done that indicates, despite society’s natural bent to believe that younger generations are more emotionally-driven and less discerning, it is actually the older generations that are most likely to spread false information such as hoaxes, disinformation, and incomplete news stories over social media (Source).

Studies have shown that “On average, users over 65 shared nearly seven times as many articles from fake news domains as the youngest age group (Source). That’s a huge number!

To break that down by percentages, this study from Princeton and New York University found that eleven percent of users older than 65 shared an article consistent with the study’s definition of fake news. Just 3% of users ages 18 to 29 did the same.

This is in spite of the fact that over 90% of young adults ages 18-29 are active on social media as compared to only 35% of older Americans, 65 years of age and older (Source)

The above is just one example of why age segregation is a concern. We could blame this situation on politics or lack of understanding of social media or any number of factors. But for our purposes, let’s look at phenomena through the lens of age segregation.

A vast difference exists in the types of media that each generation uses. For instance, it is reported that 72% of 13-17 year olds and 64% of 18-29 year olds use Instagram while only 21% of 50-64 year olds and 10% of 65+ year olds use Instagram (Source).

Another 2015 study estimates that of 271,000,000 Twitter users who are active every month the number of users between 51 and 60 years was roughly 2,981,000 or about 1% of the users (Source).

The gap between generations is being exacerbated by social media platforms. This is a pattern that the Church needs to be aware of. Why? Because it impacts how the generations interact with each other in our faith community.

The younger generation, the one who grew up with social media, is more adept at recognizing misinformation and less likely to share it.

The older generation, who grew up with print media and a trust of written communication, photographs, and testimony, is more susceptible to publishing and defending misinformation as truth.

These two things immediately put these generations at odds with one another: The younger losing respect for the older generation and the older generation believing the younger generation is not listening.

When we add to that the curation of different social media platforms between generations, the gap widens even further. In a very real sense, these generations are now speaking different languages; they talk past each other and cannot hear one another. The same true story now has two different narratives and disagreement plays out politically, socially, and relationally.

Church, we must be the bridge-builders. Through the truth of God’s word, we can open the door for real relationships to be forged upon shared foundations. So how can we invite this conversation in a place of such division?

  • Create Space for Mutual Learning – If our generations never have the opportunity to both learn from and teach each other, how can we expect them to hear one another? Church is a perfect place to create space for generations to come together around common mission and vision and listen to one another as they learn together.
  • Create Space for Generational Teaching – What can your church do to help one generation teach another generation? Discipleship and mentorship programs are more common in churches but get creative! I’ve seen churches that have made videos with stories from the older generation about tough times and how God got them through that have been a huge encouragement to the younger generation. I’ve heard of other churches let the youth and young adults host a technology party where they help the older people experience new tech. Let’s use our imagination to find these spaces.
  • Create Space for Healthy Discussion – There are difficult topics facing our world today. All generations need a safe place to ask hard questions. The church should be that space, but too often, we discourage questions, doubts and inquiries and force especially our young people to find answers elsewhere. Churches that encourage healthy discussion and the reading of Scripture in community create a culture that unites rather than divides. As one of my pastoral heroes has said, “We talk more about the things that divide us, not less.” Have the hard conversations because that indicates deepening relationships.

Sometimes I’ve noticed that churches likes to take a back seat on these types of issues and say, “That’s not really a spiritual or religious thing. We’ll reserve our voice and influence for other concerns.” But I would beg to differ. All of life, as a believer, is spiritual. We declare that we have been raised to new life in Christ which means everything we do, including posting on social media, should be done in that light.

Churches have a unique opportunity to enter this space around the common belief Jesus Christ and offer a space for mutual edification and humble growth to happen. Rather than shy away, we should “talk more, not less” as my friend said. Equip parents for conversations around dinner table. Encourage connection across generations. Create the spaces. It is all part of our calling to “make disciples.”


For more information about

Check out to ReFocus Ministry or “like” our Facebook page. Join our conversation at theReFocus Family and Intergen Ministry group on Facebook.

About this Blog
The Embree Family

Refocus Ministry was started by Christina Embree, wife to Pastor Luke, mom to three wonderful kids, and church planter at Plowshares BIC. She also serves as the Minister of Generational Discipleship with the Great Lakes Conference of the Brethren in Christ.

With years of experience in family ministry and children’s ministry, she is passionate about seeing churches partnering with families to encourage faith formation at home and equipping parents to disciple their kids in the faith. She recently graduated with a Masters of Arts in Ministry focusing on Family, Youth and Children’s Ministry at Wesley Seminary, she also blogs at www.refocusministry.org and is a contributing blogger at D6 Family, ChurchLeaders.com, and Seedbed.

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