When Church is “Boring”

October 17, 2018 / Christina Embree / Leave a comment

Brutal honesty time.

Sometimes, my kids think church is “boring.”

My middle child has definitely fallen asleep on her dad’s lap right in the middle of a 9:30 service. My oldest has made the most amazing doodles you’ve ever seen during service times and, when he was little, if I could get my youngest to make it through any portion of a service, he spent most of his time touching everything he can get his hands on like hymnals, bulletins, random stranger’s hair…

So, why in the world do I make such a big deal about having kids in worship?

Obviously they are bored. Obviously I am forcing them to do something that they don’t like and probably scarring them for life when it comes to attending services.

Wouldn’t it be better for them to be somewhere else, like with other kids in a different room, where they can have fun and want to come to church?

There’s a lot to unpack in those questions, more than one blog post can cover. A lot of underlying assumptions about why we go to church and what church is supposed to look like and how kids are wired and all that stuff, but I’m just going to tell you my simple reason for why I want my kids participating in worship.

Because they are members of the body of Christ.

It’s simple really. They have each made declarations of faith, appropriate to their age and understanding, that they love God and want to follow Him.

They are part of the church. The church needs them. And they need church.

Okay, you thought I was brutally honest above… check this out.

Sometimes, I think church is boring. Hey now, so do you!! Be honest, sometimes we have a really hard time engaging, in some cases, staying awake. We wish we could curl up on our daddy’s lap and grab a quick cat nap during the sermon.

But most adults I know, especially adults that are desiring to grow in their faith and active in their walk with Christ, would not use the fact that church is “boring” to dissuade them from attending.

Because that’s not why we go to church.

We don’t go to church for an adrenaline rush. We don’t go to church to be entertained. We don’t go to church for goosebumps and thrills and chills. I’m not saying there aren’t times when we have amazing moments where those things might happen, but that is not WHY we go to church.

And that is not WHY my kids go to church. Sure, I do my best to engage them with the service. And we continue to explore more ways to welcome and invite kids and youth into active participation in the service.

But even if we do it all perfectly, chances are, there are going to be days where church is boring. And that’s okay. Because there are days when school is boring, and home is boring, and life is boring.

If we are never bored, if we are constantly entertained and distracted, how are we ever going to find time to “be still and know that He is God?”

If you are concerned with bringing your child into worship because you are afraid that he/she will be bored, don’t be. Being bored is not the worst thing in the world. But here are some great suggestions for how you can engage with your child during the service so that being bored and being left out don’t have to be the same.

Kids don’t just have to sit and tolerate services. They can be invited into the experience and my guess is, if we engage with them during service time, we may just find out that we too get more from the service. (BTW, these ideas were inspired from an insert from Christ Church Parish in Raleigh, NC and a pew card that we use at my church)

Sit towards the front where it is easier for your little ones to see and hear what is going on. They tire of looking at the backs of others’ heads.
Quietly explain parts of the service and actions of the ministers and whisper the sermon to them in words they can understand.
Sing the hymns/songs, pray and voice the responses because children learn the liturgy by watching you!
If you have to leave the service, feel free to do so but feel free to come back as well!
Let your kids doodle and color in church. Often when their hands are busy, their minds are engaged with the service more than you realize.

So many times I have parents tell me, “I didn’t think my child was listening to the sermon at all but then later, he said something almost word-for-word that the pastor had shared!”

Kids are a lot more perceptive than we give them credit for.

They are learning all. the. time. They are watching you, listening to you, and imitating you.

The next time your child says, “I don’t want to go to church. It’s boring!!” and they will because they are kids, give them a hug and say, “I know it can be boring sometimes, but that’s not why we go to church. We go to church because we are part of the body of Christ. And you are an important part of Christ’s body. If you aren’t there, a piece is missing. Who knows? God might use you today to encourage someone who is sad, to teach someone who is needing to learn, to love someone who needs to be loved. God might even speak to YOU if you listen closely. You are special to God and to us, and we need you there!”

And, as needed, remind yourself of that truth as well.

A version of this post first appeared on this website here.

For more information about

Kids in Worship
Determining which Type of Family Ministry model works best for your church
Encouraging the continued conversation through Practical Discipleship at Home
And much more!

Check out to ReFocus Ministry or “like” our Facebook page. Join our conversation at theReFocus Family and Intergen Ministry group on Facebook.

About the author

Christina Embree is wife to Pastor Luke, mom to three wonderful kids, and family minister at Nicholasville UMC. She is passionate about seeing churches partnering with families to encourage faith formation at home and equipping parents to disciple their kids in the faith. Currently studying Family, Youth and Children’s Ministry at Wesley Seminary, she also blogs at www.refocusministry.org and is a contributing blogger at D6 Family, Seedbed, and ChildrensMinistryBlog.com

How Can We Nicely Kick Kids Out of Church?

October 10, 2018October 10, 2018 / Christina Embree / 1 Comment

A few weeks ago, I shared a post about a card a church had given out inviting parents who brought their kids to “enjoy the remainder of the service” in the lobby so others could “engage with the sermon.” This past week, another children’s ministry group I am a part of had a similar conversation regarding if a church is large and streaming on-line, what card they should hand out to parents if kids are loud in the main service.

Apparently this is a new thing? I had not heard of this practice of handing parents cards to invite them to leave the service until recently, but twice in one month made me decide to some digging. What I found was disheartening, at least for me.

I found stories of parents being told that children younger than seventh grade were not “allowed” in the main auditorium (Source).

I found articles by leading people in the children’s ministry world listing the reasons why children should not be in the corporate worship service (Source).

I found articles written by pastors describing why their church chooses not to welcome or even allow children to congregational worship times (Source).

I could go on but I’m sure you get the idea.

I’d love to say that this information was new to me, but it’s not. But, like all of us, I get into my little bubble, my echo chamber, and I wanted to think that since I first was made aware of these types of policies and actions, that things had changed.

I wanted to believe that over the past decade as more and more research has emerged about the absolute importance of intergenerational relationships and shared space for prayer and worship and creating a sense of belonging for all generations to the larger church body has come out, that churches would have examined these practices and worked to transition out of them.

I wanted to think that the examples of Scripture, of Jesus welcoming children and rebuking the disciples for turning them away, of Paul addressing children in letters that would be read in the general assembly, of all the Old Testament times of gathering where all of Israel was present, had been prayerfully considered and embraced by the American church.

And I had hoped that as a community of faith, we would have recognized that the very continuation of our faith is dependent on generational discipleship, not a curriculum or a program, but one generation passing on their faith to another generation through times of mentoring, prayer and communal worship.

Instead, I found this question being asked:

“How can we nicely invite the children to leave?”

Oh Church, what is happening?

Even if a church is not actively working to create a culture of welcome and participation that doesn’t target their communal worship to one or two generations but actively seeks to minister to the full body as one congregation…even if that is not happening…actively working to bar children from being in the congregational assembly with their parents and their church seems unbelievably counterintuitive to a faith that is literally passed down from generation to generation.

But we have an amazing children’s program?

Great, that’s wonderful. Children need times of age-specific ministry and teaching that is appropriate to their level of understanding. But they also need meaningful time with their church, hearing the words of the sermon, watching the adults worship God, participating in the acts of worship, and being present in the midst of the assembly. One does not negate the other. To sacrifice one for the other is not an answer; it’s just a new problem.

But kids are a distraction?

First, that saying needs fixed. Kids are not a distraction; they can sometimes be distracting. As Dr. John Trainer has said, ““Children are not a distraction from more important work. They are the most important work.” And, so what if there is a distraction during the service? That’s part of life. Distractions come in many shapes and forms and not all of them children. Are we going to remove anyone and everything that causes distraction? Of course not, but we will ask the children to leave.

But this is the way we’ve always done it?

No, it’s not. This idea of removing children from the corporate worship service and splitting everyone up in the church by their age or life experience is not the way we’ve always done it. In fact, it’s relatively new in the life of the church (think 50-70 years old). For generations and generations, faith was a shared experience of all ages.

But it works for our church?

Okay, I get that. It is the easiest way for a church to operate. Curriculum is made for age-specific ministries. Services are geared towards adults between 25-65. It’s all set up in our systems and cultures to “work” this way.

But here’s the thing.

What works in our “church” may not be what works for the Church. The kingdom of heaven, according to Jesus, belongs to “ones like these”, the children. In fact, Jesus says, “Truly unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven” (Matthew 18:3).

There simply has to be more. There has to be a place for the little ones to come. And not “come” to a place where nearly everyone looks like them, but come to a place where they are part of something bigger and they can belong to a faith community.

If there isn’t room for them in our little corner of the Church, there will be room for them somewhere else. They will find somewhere to belong.

And at least our invitation for them to leave will have been kindly worded and printed nicely on a card.

For more information about

Kids in Worship
Determining which Type of Family Ministry model works best for your church
Encouraging the continued conversation through Practical Discipleship at Home
And much more!

Check out to ReFocus Ministry or “like” our Facebook page. Join our conversation at theReFocus Family and Intergen Ministry group on Facebook.

About the author

“Please Enjoy the Remainder of the Service in Our Lobby”

September 18, 2018September 18, 2018 / Christina Embree / 3 Comments

Last week, Christian comedian John Crist posted a picture on his Instagram account that he had been tagged in. It was a card that someone had been handed at a church they recently visited that said,

“Thank you for being committed to being in church with your child. In order to allow those seated near you to engage in the message, please enjoy the remainder of the service in our lobby…A Connection Team Member will assist you.”

A full thread of comments ranging from the sad and angry to the agreeable and affirming filled in below the image. If you’ve read my blog for any length of time, you know which response best fit me, suffice it to say, I was saddened that this particular church had decided to address the topic of having children in the service with a blanket “No.”

As an advocate for a both/and approach to youth and children’s ministry, one that acknowledges the need for age appropriate teachings and activities but also the need for corporate times of worship and relationships, I can see merits on both sides of this issue.

But I think that it’s also important to address assumptions that are not based in facts but in one’s own experience or surface observation. So much of what influences us, shapes us, molds us and forms us doesn’t come in obvious ways, but in consistent and silent messages that tell us who we are, what we mean, and why where are here.

The subtext of the card above matters for these very reasons.

This card very clearly says that there are some people who are welcome in the corporate assembly and some people who are not.

This card lets parents know that they are not welcome to have their child attend service with them.

This card lets children know that there’s no place for them in the corporate gathering of the congregation.

It also lets children and their parents know that they are expected to be a distracting detriment to the service and that their proper place is outside the doors, not inside.

And these messages matter… a lot.

Because regardless of what one thinks about children and youth being included in the corporate assembly, we can’t deny the fact that when we read the stories of those who have chosen to leave the institutional church and in some cases their faith, these are the messages they heard and they repeat back as part of their reason for leaving.

A quick internet search will show you that some of the biggest reasons that people leave the church is because they express doubts, have questions but are given pat answers, don’t have a relationship with the church, and feel lonely and distant from God. (A brief reminder here – the church IS the body of Christ; we are literally “God” to the world and to each other in the world today, so if distance is felt, that is very much on us.)

One of the most common complaints I hear about including children and youth in the corporate gathering is that they don’t get anything out of it. People will share their own stories about how church was so boring and all they did was waste time coloring or crawling around the pews.

My first response to them is, “But look, you remember. You remember being in church. You remember seeing the people and hearing the voices and watching the way the service unfolded. It’s part of your forever memory.”

And that’s part of the bigger picture. Children remember.

So what if we used that time when they are in church to do something more; to connect to that memory in meaningful ways? Rather than leaving them with negative impressions, why don’t we work to ensure positive ones? Sure, there will be some “boring” moments, but what if they also remember…

…that lady who always asked me how school was going and came to my tee ball games

…that man who always had the lollipop that he gave to mom for me and told me how glad he was to see me

…that young adult who sat with me and colored every week and helped me to memorize the Bible verse

…my mom holding me and letting me lay my head in her lap as we listened to the sermon

…my pastor who always told a story or mentioned the kids at least once in the sermon so we understood what was going on.

…that older lady who always told me every week that she loved me and was praying for me

You see, children remember LOVE.

This is integral to their growing up years. How they perceive love and how they see love acted out around them speaks volumes. In an article by Psychology Today, we (adults) are reminded to “be creating moments with our children that will reinforce their connection of love with us, but also encouraging and modeling the moral mindset towards love one ought to have.”

What better place to do that than at church? And what better place than with the full congregation, all ages and generations, modeling love?

This should not only be the message of our subtext, it should be our overt, out loud, very explicit message – You are loved and you are welcome! When we reduce our corporate gatherings to a sermon or to a worship time or to a service, we miss the much bigger picture. Our corporate assembly is when we have the opportunity to be Jesus to each other, to show love to each other, to sit and stand with each other, to hug each other and to hear each other. And those things are remembered. Love is etched on our hearts.

So what brings people back to church?

In his article, Four Reasons I Came Back to Church, Christian Piatt gives four reasons: Community, having a voice, finding deeper meaning and a sense of belonging. The subtext of these reasons is simple to deduce: I was welcomed to be part of something bigger, something meaningful, somewhere where I was truly wanted and my voice was valued and I knew I belonged.

We can send that message now. We don’t have to wait for them to leave and hopefully come back. And we don’t have to write it on a card; we can live it through our lives.

We can welcome our children.

For more information about

Kids in Worship
Determining which Type of Family Ministry model works best for your church
Discipleship in Intergenerational community
Encouraging the continued conversation through Practical Discipleship at Home
Seminars, Workshops, Coaching

Check out to ReFocus Ministry or “like” our Facebook page. Join our conversation at theReFocus Family and Intergen Ministry group on Facebook.

About this Blog

Refocus Ministry was started by Christina Embree, wife to Pastor Luke, mom to three wonderful kids, and church planter at Plowshares BIC. With years of experience in family ministry and children’s ministry, she is passionate about seeing churches partnering with families to encourage faith formation at home and equipping parents to disciple their kids in the faith. She recently graduated with a Masters of Arts in Ministry focusing on Family, Youth and Children’s Ministry at Wesley Seminary, she also blogs at www.refocusministry.org and is a contributing blogger at D6 Family, ChurchLea

“Family Ministry” when Kids Come Alone

September 1, 2018 / Christina Embree / 1 Comment

I’ve heard some concerned discussion lately regarding family ministry especially as it pertains to reaching children who do not have engaged caregivers or believing parents in their home.

Specifically the concern is, if our ministry at church is focused on families, what happens to kids that don’t have a believing family or Christian home life? Are we just going to turn them away or not provide for their spiritual needs?

It’s a legitimate concern and one that deserves addressing, especially if a church is looking to transition from one that has been primarily focused on age-specific ministry to one that is more focused on reaching the family unit as a whole. And to be honest, there is no easy answer but here are some things to consider as we approach this topic.

Reach for Home

More than likely, some kids will get dropped off who do not have parents that attend the church. But, that does not preclude us from reaching out to their home.

It is important for us to recognize this need to welcome children who aren’t in “church families” in a way that is both accepting and embracing, providing for their needs spiritually, physically and emotionally while they are with us (Ideas for how to do that, click here).

But it is equally as important to recognize that we are sending them back to a home that will have profound formational effects on their faith and to not further our reach by extending our arm of welcome to the home is to miss an opportunity for “going and making disciples.”

Some ways we can do that:

Provide Parent/Caregiver Workshops or Seminars, free to the public, without an overt spiritual focus. For example, host a Social Media workshop that open to the whole community, and focused on the internet and kids, not necessarily religious in nature. Our faith will be discussed but the topic is one that all parents have questions about.
Provide Activities for the Whole Family. A lot of parents/caregivers look for free, fun things to do with their kids. Fall Festivals, Family VBS, and Summer Movie Nights are examples of ways to engage the home.
Visit with the parents/caregivers – Drop by, say hi, get contact information, introduce yourself, offer resources, tell them what you are doing, bring a pie. Show caregivers that your faith community is excited about serving them in their home even if they don’t come to church. And express your desire to serve not only their kids but them as well.

Of course there is no guarantee that this will lead to anything beyond what is already happening.. but it might. What you do for one, do for all. If the church family is getting a handout, a parent letter, an invitation, make sure the others families do too.

Connect the church to the home as much as possible.

Embrace Family

Sometimes when we think “family” we get a picture in our head of a Dad, Mom, two kids, a dog, maybe a cat and a cute Cape Cod with white shutters. That’s really not an accurate picture of “family” today. Family has grown to mean many things. Sometimes family isn’t even people we are related to by blood. Sometimes Grandma is Mom or Uncle is Dad or family friend is Aunt.

One main goal of “family ministry” is to minister to the family as a whole. It is important then to find out how family is being defined by those being ministered to and the needs that their unique situation gives rise to. For more on this, check out this blog on “The ‘Family’ in Family Ministry” and consider ways that we can reach the families we serve.

Encourage Faith

Even atheists believe something; they believe that there is nothing. It takes faith to believe anything so everyone has faith.

Our job as Christian family ministers is to equip the home to be a place of faith formation in Christ. However, that can be complicated if the leaders in a home don’t believe in Christ. That doesn’t mean you don’t equip or resource them anyway. Providing materials, information, and training for faith formation at home is key to an effective family ministry. Those who desire what is offered will transform their homes into places of discipleship. Those who choose not to use the tools given are still being given them and that in and of itself makes a difference in the home.

God is the ultimate home builder; we are vessels of His grace and love.

Finally, I feel like it is important to point out that while we need to be aware of this potential area of concern, there is another glaring fact we cannot ignore that the family unit itself is a mission field for the church today. Ministering to families is important. Missionaries to other countries or inner cities or specific age groups train to reach a specific group of people in that context.

If we look at families in that same light, as a mission field in need of missionaries to bring the good news of the gospel to their homes, I believe we could see a revolution in the church of children and youth who graduate ready to serve Christ in their homes, church and community; discipled in the faith and grounded in their love for Christ because of their intentional faith formation they experienced at home and intergenerational relationships at church.

There is no cookie cutter family ministry model.

There are no easy answers for the concerns that arrive.

But there is a call by God for us to partner with and minister to parents as they raise their children and to offer them a broader community that will support and encourage them along the way. And if that is a call from God, then we know He will provide all we need to reach each and every family He sends our way.

For more information about

Kids in Worship
Determining which Type of Family Ministry model works best for your church
Discipleship in Intergenerational community
Encouraging the continued conversation through Practical Discipleship at Home
Seminars, Workshops, Coaching

Check out to ReFocus Ministry or “like” our Facebook page. Join our conversation at theReFocus Family and Intergen Ministry group on Facebook.

About this Blog

*The advertisements at the bottom of this page are chosen by WordPress, not by ReFocus Ministry, and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the author.

NextGen and Discipleship: Whose Job Is it?

August 27, 2018August 27, 2018 / Christina Embree / Leave a comment

It’s the parent’s job to disciple the children. Have you heard this statement? Maybe phrased something like this:

The Church gets 40 hours/year, the Schools get 2,000 hours/year, Parents get 3,000 hours/year – It’s YOUR job to disciple your children.

There is definitely some truth in that statement. The hours listed aren’t far off from what research shows us. The influence that parents/caregivers have on their children cannot be understated and the home is primarily the place of faith formation for all of us. But I’m afraid when this is our approach to beginning the discussion with parents/caregivers about their responsibility of leading discipleship in the home, we do both the parents and kids, but more importantly, the body of Christ a huge disservice.

There is one verse that we often use to demonstrate the mandate in Scripture for parents/caregivers to disciple their kids: Deuteronomy 6:7 – Impress these commandments on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.

I love this verse because it shows the most everyday, most ordinary moments and tells us in those very ordinary times to talk about our extraordinary God.

But often in shining the spotlight on this verse and directing our focus of discipleship exclusively to parents/caregivers, we miss something of great importance, something that changes everything about the command.

This command wasn’t given to parents.

It was given to the community of faith.

The charge to talk about these commandments, to impress them on the children, to disciple the next generation in faith what given to the entire gathered assembly and never once were parents singled out and told that discipleship was their responsibility. On the contrary, the command was clearly given in the presence of everyone (Hear, O Israel) and deemed by God through Moses as applicable to the whole assembly. So much so, it is repeated, nearly word for word in Deuteronomy 11:18-20 again in an address to the whole congregation.

So what does this mean?

Parents, it is not exclusively “your” job to disciple your children.

Church, it IS corporately our job to disciple our children.

So, yes, if you are a parent and you are a believer, of course, it is your job to disciple your kids, especially since you have the most time with them and the most influence on them!

But, Church, please hear this, parents are not supposed to be doing this alone. This isn’t a command devoid of community. This isn’t a mandate that applies only to parents/caregivers and their children. This is a command given to all of us, every single member of the community of faith, to all of our children, not just those who live in our house.

When viewed in this light, some of our common excuses fail.

We can’t say, “I gave my time serving with in Sunday School and youth group when my kids were young. It’s their turn now.”

We can’t say, “Well, they aren’t my kids. It’s not up to me to talk to them about God.”

We can’t say, “It’s not my responsibility.”

I mean, we can say those things, but if we do, we are willfully choosing to ignore the commands that God gave, not to parents alone, but to all of us to pour into, engage with, impress upon, and walk with the youngest generations.

I truly believe it is time for us to release some of the burden we’ve put on the backs of parents by repeatedly telling them, “This is your job” by changing just one letter and a whole way of understanding and instead saying, “This is OUR job.”

No parent should ever feel alone in this calling. Not in the dynamic the God has given us.

They should feel the support, nurture and equipping of an entire faith community surrounding them and ministering to them and their children.

The children in our church should be known (by name) not just by their parents and a few close friends, but the congregation, the community of faith, who are committed to helping them grow in their faith.

The covenant of the congregation, spoken often at baptism or confirmation, in which the congregation pledges to walking with the child and helping them grow in their faith needs to become more than just “what we say” and turn into “what we do.”

The ministries to children and youth in any church should not be lacking in volunteers or servants on mission because the entire church is called and has verbally confirmed their commitment to disciple these young people in the faith.

To place the responsibility squarely on parents without recognizing the responsibility of the church to walk hand-in-hand with them skews the command of God to “impress these commandments on your children.”

Church, it is time we step up and relinquish our excuses. It is time we read the Scripture as it was given; to the whole assembly in community as a unit. It is time we seek to not only support and equip parents but to join them, hand-in-hand, and be part of the work of discipleship.

For more information about

Kids in Worship
Determining which Type of Family Ministry model works best for your church
Discipleship in Intergenerational community
Encouraging the continued conversation through Practical Discipleship at Home
Seminars, Workshops, Coaching

Check out to ReFocus Ministry or “like” our Facebook page. Join our conversation at theReFocus Family and Intergen Ministry group on Facebook.

About this Blog

*The advertisements at the bottom of this page are chosen by WordPress, not by ReFocus Ministry, and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the author.

Discipleship at Home: The Sacred in the Ordinary

August 20, 2018August 20, 2018 / Christina Embree / 1 Comment

“Discipleship in the home”

For some, these words bring a sense of affirmation and anticipation; a hearty “Amen” in the heart. For others, the reaction to hearing these words can be quite different. One of the things I noticed when I started to work with parents in the area of discipleship was an oft-expressed sense of inadequacy. Why? Well, because often the parents I talk to didn’t experience “discipleship in the home” growing up; rather their experience learning about God and faith was isolated to their Sunday school or church service.

This experience of a compartmentalized lifestyle separates home life from church life from school life from work life and so on and can create an environment in many homes, even Christian homes, that is devoid of faith practices and spiritual conversations.

And many parents feel overwhelmed and a little scared to begin introducing these spiritual elements into the rhythm of their home.

But perhaps the answer to helping parents navigate these waters lies less in experience and even in equipping and more in a framework changes; a change that removes the separation of spiritual from secular and begins to explore life as one holistic experience rather than segmented ones.

In his book, Ancient-Future Faith, Robert Webber says, “We must learn, then, not to HAVE a spirituality, something we turn on at a particular place or time, but to BE spiritual, as a habit of life, a continuous state of being. It is to this end that we seek after God in the stillness and hubbub of life, but always and everywhere in and through the church, where Christ is made present to us and, through us, to the world.”

In other words, our spiritual life and our secular life aren’t separate but rather two parts of one whole simply called “life.” Which means whether we are at our job or at home or at the ball game or in the car, we are still very much spiritual and attune to spiritual things.

So, what does all of this have to do with parenting, discipleship, and the home?

Those parents who feel so overwhelmed often feel that way because “churchy things” like talking about God, reading the Bible, and praying, are things they’ve only experienced in a building we call “church.” Their sacred life and their secular life are strongly compartmentalized and allowing the two to intermingle is a foreign concept to them.

This compartmentalization of life is almost like a toddlers’ food plate, where each item gets its own little compartment and nary the foods shall touch. But the thing about our faith is that it wasn’t ever meant to be left in one compartment. Rather it was intended to be the plate upon which all of the other things find their meaning and stability.

I remember when this all clicked for me. It was an “aha” moment like no other that culminated in this thought:

Discipleship at home is not about adding more to my already full schedule.

It is about inviting Christ into what I am already doing.

Making disciples, according to the Great Commission, is something we do “as we go” (Matthew 28:16-20). It’s something that should be as natural as eating and sleeping and coming and going. In fact when Moses told the people of Israel how to pass on their faith to the next generation, he tells them to do it “when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up” (Deut. 6:7). These are the most ordinary, mundane, everyday times that all people on earth experience daily and it is in these moments that we are told to pass on our faith.

Because Christ, being fully human and fully God, can transform the most ordinary things into the most sacred because for him, there is no division; it is all “life.”

Brother Lawrence, a 17th century monk wrote a book called The Practice of the Presence of God, where he encouraged Christians to live each day in the experience of God’s presence no matter what they are doing. He shares that “our sanctification [does] not depend on changing our works, but in doing that for God’s sake that which we commonly do for our own”. Inviting Christ into what we are already doing changes them from mundane to beautiful, ordinary to extraordinary, temporal to sacred; it brings our life as a disciple, harmony.

And that is “discipleship in the home.”

It’s truly not about doing more. It’s about experiencing Christ in all that we do.

For more information about

Kids in Worship
Determining which Type of Family Ministry model works best for your church
Discipleship in Intergenerational community
Encouraging the continued conversation through Practical Discipleship at Home
Seminars, Workshops, Coaching

Check out to ReFocus Ministry or “like” our Facebook page. Join our conversation at theReFocus Family and Intergen Ministry group on Facebook.

About this Blog

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What Happened at Church Last Sunday?

July 22, 2018 / Christina Embree / Leave a comment

Guest Blog by Luke Embree, Pastor at Plowshares Brethren in Christ, Lexington, KY.

I witnessed something audacious in church last Sunday.

It took some time for it to sink in but as the service progressed a realization began to dawn on me.

The pastor had forgotten to dismiss the children!

At least that’s what I assumed had happened. The senior pastor (who, in his defense, had been off work that week) introduced the morning’s speaker and completely forgot to dismiss the kids. No one spoke up, no one caught it, and the service marched on.

And all the while an ebullient energy, barely containable, simmered below the surface. And then the most incredible thing happened: Nothing.

Nothing went wrong, nothing exploded, no one walked out in offense, no one disrupted the sermon, nothing fell apart. The parents cared for their children, their neighbors showed grace and patience, and the preacher shared his message unabated.

Rather than dismissing the kids, they had a prepared a place for the kids within the worship service. The children were engaged members of the congregation and the intentionality of the whole thing was refreshing. Why did it work so well?

The church staff, the speaker, and the whole congregation had taken steps to ensure that the kids weren’t just distracted but engaged.

The morning’s worship list included some songs geared toward the very young and (let’s be honest) they were fun for the adults too. They included ways for a person’s whole body to participate in worship, an easy and effective way to diffuse some of the wiggles in young and old alike.

The speaker’s message was on the missionary journeys of Paul and it opened with a retelling of these journeys in a big way.

Rather than simply reading a manuscript, a couple of young people dressed in cartoonish robes and long beards to act out the speaker’s retelling. Their performance, which included some goofy gags and play-on words, provided an entertaining visual that aided his story and our comprehension of his material.

The speaker then went on to share reflections about Paul supported by several long readings from his epistles. But rather than read these passages himself, the minister paused to allow another young person, dressed in the similar costume, to read the passages as he scribbled with a long quill from his writing desk, situated to the left of the platform throughout the sermon. The break in the minister’s sermon, punctuated by this young man’s recitation, added diversity to the message and a convenient change of voice for our listening ears.

During the sermon, three young people drew pictures inspired by his message. These pictures were periodically projected onto a large screen behind the pastor, accenting his points with visual design. The effect of combining visual aids with spoken word helped to keep our attention while the presence of young people sharing their gifts and helping to tell the stories of our faith inspired us all.

If it was the intention of the church’s staff to engage the whole congregation with a creative and informative exposition of Scripture, then the service was a tremendous success.

As I look back now I suppose it was actually a very small thing, not dismissing the children during the service. But it communicated some very big ideas. I’d like to share just three:

Children are valuable members of the community of faith

First, it stated that our kids make important contributions to our church’s life and community. They are not distractions that need to be managed. They are people who want to be with their parents and fellow members of our community. Not only that, they have the capacity to listen, to learn, and to participate in worship if given the chance. But it will take intentionality on our part to develop services that include them well.

Young people can lead

Second, over the course of 60 minutes, the young people within the congregation were affirmed and empowered as active members and ministers within the Body of Christ. We learned that they, too, have gifts that creatively and effectively add value to our understanding of God and his Word.

Ministry is a team effort

Finally, it was refreshing to watch an entire community take on the mantle of teaching, encouraging, and ministering to one another. Rather than elevating one person to the role of “Minister,” the community rose up to care for the people of God. Yes, this very gifted pastor deserves credit for organizing and preparing the service. But his leadership also communicated a very important truth: the gifts and graces of Christianity are best experienced together

As I look ahead to this coming Sunday I’m curious how we might carry these insights into our own times of corporate worship. How might these ideas be expressed in churches across our nation? There are no easy answers but they are answers that are worth seeking out because, together, we are the body of Christ.

For more information about

Kids in Worship
Determining which Type of Family Ministry model works best for your church
Discipleship in Intergenerational community
Encouraging the continued conversation through Practical Discipleship at Home
Seminars, Workshops, Coaching

Check out to ReFocus Ministry or “like” our Facebook page. Join our conversation at theReFocus Family and Intergen Ministry group on Facebook.

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Passing It On: Generational Discipleship in Church

July 9, 2018 / Christina Embree / 2 Comments

What do we mean when we talk about “generational discipleship”? It’s a term that I am hearing more and more frequently and it’s one that I myself use often in this blog.

Simply put, generational discipleship is the passing on of our faith from one generation to another.

In Scripture, it is the model we are given for how we instill within our children and grandchildren the faith that our parents and grandparents shared with us and we do so within the context of relationship, mentorship, and community.

There are examples of generational discipleship all through Scripture.

The most oft-quoted verse about generational discipleship is probably Deuteronomy 6:4-9 where we are told to impress the commands of the Lord upon our children and to talk about them when sit and when we walk and when we lie down and when we get up…so basically, all of the time. And this command is given within the full assembly of Israel to all the people so not just to parents but to the larger faith community.

We see this idea of generational discipleship play out in Scripture through so many intergenerational and familial relationships. Some examples include but are certainly not limited to…

Eli and Samuel (I Samuel 3)
Timothy and his mother and grandmother AND Timothy and Paul (2 Tim. 1:5)
Elijah and Elisha (2 Kings 2)
Naomi and Ruth (The book of Ruth)
Moses and Joshua (Deut. 31)
Mordecai and Esther (The book of Esther)

So how does generational discipleship play out in a faith community?

In 2017, The Journal of Intergenerational Relationships published an article whose findings explained that intergenerational relationships create essential learning environments for all generations. In other words, if generations are going to interact with each other in meaningful ways, there are some key essentials that need to be in place.

Specifically they find that three things are necessary for intergenerational learning

There must be space to learn about one’s own generation with other generations
All generations must act as learners and teachers at the same time
The learning must motivate participants towards in a particular way.

Often when our churches gather, these dynamics are either not in place at all or are difficult to find. Putting multiple generations into a place where they can interact in meaningful ways can be challenging because of differences in likes, dislikes, development and experience.

As a result, many churches opt for an environment that segregates the generations from one another and promotes learning within one age range rather than between the generations. It’s much more difficult to create an intentional space for both to give and receive.

While these things are challenging, they are not impossible to overcome. It might be easier in the short term to maintain age-specific environments, but it is clear that in the long run, generational discipleship will be hampered by the lack of meaningful intergenerational relationships and interactions.

So what can we do?

There’s no silver bullet that will magically erase these challenges or suddenly make it easier to engage generations in learning and living together, but there are some avenues to explore that will create the space for growth.

Stated Purpose – If you desire to put generations together for anything from corporate worship to shared meals, be sure and let everyone know the purpose behind your action. Give a stated reason for creating a multi-generational space and repeat it often so everyone is on the same page.
Be Creative in Connection – Connecting different generations doesn’t have to look the same and connecting same generations. It’s unlikely that a second-grader is going to go out for coffee with a senior citizen. But what if the oldest Sunday School class showed up to cheer on the kids in tee ball in soccer? What if the teenagers worked alongside their parents in serving their community together? What if intergenerational prayer partners were connected to each other? There are a lot of ways to interact with each other in meaningful ways!
Give Generations a Voice – There’s nothing worse than feeling like you have nothing to give or that you are not heard. If we step back and notice that our church lay leadership, committees, service groups, etc. all reflect only one or two generations and those groups are the ones casting vision, leading, and guiding the church, then there are multiple other generations that may not be feeling heard. Creating intentional space for all generations within your leadership structure can help flip that “top-down” mentality on it’s head and ensure that all generations have the space to give and to receive, to teach and to learn, so that all can grow together.

Since the separation of ages and the perception of differences mirrors that of our society, it’s easy for us to think “that’s just the way it is.” But it’s important to note that it wasn’t that way for centuries. And equally as important to note that the impact on the church is a substantial one. Why? Because our faith is primarily passed from one generation to another.

That is generational discipleship.

For more information about

Kids in Worship
Determining which Type of Family Ministry model works best for your church
Discipleship in Intergenerational community
Encouraging the continued conversation through Practical Discipleship at Home
Seminars, Workshops, Coaching

Check out to ReFocus Ministry or “like” our Facebook page. Join our conversation at theReFocus Family and Intergen Ministry group on Facebook.

About this Blog

*The advertisements at the bottom of this page are chosen by WordPress, not by ReFocus Ministry, and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the author.

Four Simple Questions Your Family Should Be Asking

June 24, 2018 / Christina Embree / Leave a comment

“Highs and Lows!!”

If you eat dinner with the Embree family, no doubt that right after we pray, you’ll hear our youngest child yell this out. It has become part of our dinnertime DNA and something that has led to incredible faith conversations over spaghetti and salad.

Our dinner time discussions are often spurred on by asking four simple questions. In fact, some of our most defining discussions as a family in terms of discipleship and spiritual formation have taken place because of these four questions.

I can’t take credit for them. That honor goes to Dr. Kara Powell of Fuller Youth Institute. I had the opportunity a few years ago to attend a seminar led by her about Sticky Faith and how to help our kids develop a faith that sticks beyond high school. She shared this dinner time routine at that conference and I immediately thought, “This is easy! This is something we can do!” and so… we did.

Here are four simple questions our family asks each other nearly every day.

1. What was your HIGH today?

Simply put, you are just asking what went well that day. Why? Well, I’m sure you’ve all experienced the oh-so-enlightening after-school conversation that goes something like this:

Parent – So, how was school today? Child – Fine.

Parent – Well, what’d you do? Child – Nothing.

Parent – You had to do something. What did you learn? Child – I dunno.

Parent – Oh come on, give me something! Child – *blank stare*

Asking a question like “What was your high?” begs the answer in story form. Sure every now and then, we get a shrug, but most of the time, we get to hear about something that happened that day that otherwise we would not have been privy too. Plus the whole family gets to celebrate the moment together.

2. What was your LOW today?

It is important to recognize that not everything that happens in a day is fun and happy. Sometimes things happen that make us angry or sad. Having a safe place to mention low times and process with family can lead to some of the most meaningful moments in your family’s life.

We’ve cried together, talked through some difficult situation, prayed for people who hurt us or were hurting, and addressed some of the harder things kids face in life. We don’t want our kids to live a “facebook” existence where only the good moments get highlighted; rather, we want to teach them that God and home are safe places even in the hardest times.

3. What MISTAKE did you make today?

We all cringe a little bit at this one. It means we have to step back and acknowledge that we may have messed up. It takes humility to admit that, not only to ourselves, but also to our family. And no one is exempt; even Mom and Dad have to answer the question.

Do you know what message this sends our kids? That we mess up, but God’s love is available anyway. Forgiveness and grace are always available. Sometimes, we can genuinely say, “I had a good day and I can’t think of any mistakes” but those times are outweighed by the moments we recognize that we trip up and fall into the grace of God. We want our kids to know that no matter how big the “mistake”, God’s grace, love and forgiveness are always available, and so is ours.

4. Where did you see JESUS today?

This is by far my favorite question. it’s different from the High of the day. It’s where we have experienced God in our everyday life. I love the answers my kids give to this question, things like, “I saw Jesus when my friend gave me a hug” and “I saw Jesus when my teacher forgave some kids who had three strikes and let them have ice cream anyway.”

Seeing the attributes of God in the world around them keeps them looking for Jesus everywhere they go. Once, one of my girls wrote a note to a friend in which she said, “When you [did that thing] I saw Jesus in you.” That’s exactly the kind of note we need to be giving one another!

Four simple questions. Four amazing life lessons.

Four easy ways to connect. Four intentional moments for discipleship.

While the dinner table works for us, maybe it would work better for you on car rides? Or before bedtime? Or maybe even over text if your kids are older?

The idea isn’t to create another “thing “we feel pressured to do. Rather, it is to layer some intentionality over what we are already doing to create the opportunity to model faith, experience grace, and increase love together.

And, if your family is anything like mine, it will become an anticipated moment of each day.

So, where did YOU see Jesus today? Share with your kids and let them share with you!

This article first appeared in May 2015 here.

For more information about

Kids in Worship
Determining which Type of Family Ministry model works best for your church
Discipleship in Intergenerational community
Encouraging the continued conversation through Practical Discipleship at Home
Seminars, Workshops, Coaching

Check out to ReFocus Ministry or “like” our Facebook page. Join our conversation at theReFocus Family and Intergen Ministry group on Facebook.

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Devices Are Not The Enemy

June 19, 2018June 19, 2018 / Christina Embree / 2 Comments

When I was young, my dad once shared with me that often times growing up, I would hear two sides to a story. Like a pendulum, opinions on things would swing from one side to another, but the truth usually lie somewhere in the middle. Decades later, a mentor to my husband shared the same thing (only in Latin, which sounds cooler): “Veritas en medio est” which means “The truth is in the middle.”

The latest wave of “sides” that I’ve seen has been in regard to the use of electronic devices by children, youth, young adults… everyone. There are facts and statistics that seem to “support” each side of the pendulum on this one.

I know parents who are adamantly opposed to any form of device ever being used by their child, citing everything from biological research that devices literally harm the brain to social concerns regarding the availability of kids to access mature content at the push of a button or be vulnerable to bullying without a safe place to escape (all legitimate concerns).

I know other parents who lean towards embracing devices, citing other research that shows that kids who use devices at a young age are better at problem solving, are more socially conscious, and learn basic academic skills earlier.

Oh my goodness, how in the world are we supposed to navigate this? Well, I’m going to follow the advice of my mentors here and encourage us to consider that the truth is probably somewhere in the middle.

Devices are not the enemy.

They are devices. We control them. We can even turn them off.

As parents, we control the access to them within our home. We can turn off the wifi. We can take away devices. We can monitor what our kids have access to.

We can also use them constructively. We can create space that invites our kids to learn with us how to responsibly use devices. We can model healthy behavior. We can create a culture in our home that helps our kids responsibly use devices.

Ultimately, devices aren’t the issue. We are.

Whether we are the parent that says, “No devices, end of story” or the parent that says, “All the devices, let’d dive in,” the reality is simply this – we are in charge of the narrative. And since, I suspect, most of us tend to be somewhere in the middle, aware of both the dangers and the benefits and doing our best to walk the wire and do the right thing, ultimately the issue is … us.

Jon Acuff has a great series on technology and kids and one of his primary takeaways is this: “You can’t stop a changing culture, but you can control the culture in your home.” In other words, as parents, we can’t stop the fact that devices are becoming more and more integrated in our society. We can’t.

Even if we choose to remove all devices from our home, the reality is if we walk outside of our home at any time and choose to interact at all with the world, we are going to find a reliance on devices is part of that culture. But what we can do is create a culture inside our own home that puts devices in their proper place.

We can respect the device as what it is – a tool, a social platform, a learning resource, an object with an off/on switch – and we can establish ways of interacting with said device that help our kids and youth to develop healthy habits that will help them when they walk out of our home.

But it’s even bigger than that.

We can establish a culture in our home of kindness, a culture that says we treat others as Christ would and that extends into our social media networks.

We can establish a culture of self control and moderation, a culture that says we don’t need to over indulge or become obsessed with anything and that can extend to our use of devices.

We can establish a culture that says we honor Christ first, a culture that is first of all focused on Christ-centered relationships and community and that can encompass how and where we use devices.

We can create a culture that becomes so much a part of our home that when anything new is introduced into it, that new thing is screened by the culture and put in its proper place, and that includes devices.

Doing that will take work, a lot of work. It’s not an offhanded thing. Creating a culture in our homes requires actual and intentional thought and time. It requires stated expectations and shared values. And those don’t happen overnight.

Creating that culture is as much a part of the discipleship process as reading the Bible, praying with our children, and serving our community.

Discipleship at home isn’t about adding more to our already busy lives; it’s about welcoming Christ into every aspect of our lives, including technology. It’s about finding ways to intentionally invite Jesus into our devices, not in some “super spiritual” Jesus juke kind of a way, but in a recognition that like every other part of our lives, this one needs His grace as well.

There are articles upon articles out there that will give ideas galore about how to actively engage your child in healthy ways with devices. Articles about how to make it more safe. Ideas on intentional conversations you should have with your children. I recommend reading them. But I also recommend this; don’t let fear or apathy control the decisions that we make in regard to devices.

We have the exciting opportunity to help our children experience life within the safe space of our home with the guiding principles of our culture through the grace of Christ.

With that before us, let’s not let devices steal the spotlight.

Instead, let’s prayerfully consider how these objects can be best experienced in our children’s lives in ways that prepare them for the future and engage them with discipleship within our homes.

(This article is the third in a series on social media, technology and discipleship. To read the first and second, click on the links)

For more information about

Kids in Worship
Determining which Type of Family Ministry model works best for your church
Discipleship in Intergenerational community
Encouraging the continued conversation through Practical Discipleship at Home
Seminars, Workshops, Coaching

Check out to ReFocus Ministry or “like” our Facebook page. Join our conversation at theReFocus Family and Intergen Ministry group on Facebook.