We’re All In This Together: Practical Ways to Connect Generations

The other day I was talking with a fellow minister about the research and studies behind intergenerational ministry and she said,

“Look, I get it! I do. I think there’s merit to what you are saying and I think you are probably right. But let’s be realistic. The biggest reason that there is age segregation is because generations just don’t like being around each other. They don’t have anything in common and they just want to be where their friends are.”

I know that she is not alone in that sentiment. I’ve had others who have shared with me how difficult it is to force people to be together when they don’t really want to be. Older people like to hang out with older people and younger people like to hang out with younger people. It’s just how it is.

Or is it?

The idea of breaking population up by generations is a relatively new one. Naming generations didn’t start until the mid to late 20th century and has continued since (Source).  Obviously generations existed before then but giving them an identifier, a name, was relatively new and some of the first people to pick up on it was advertisers and marketers. Now instead of hoping they reached the right audience, they could actually target a certain group by name.

The development of technology and social media created even more division by generation and marketers were quick to grab hold of those differences in order to reach the right audience through what is called generational marketing (Source).

In other words, our differences were intentionally magnified and our similarities were played down.  It became easier and easier to fall in with the crowd that talked like us, acted like us, and was lumped together with us by the media, social media and marketers. It felt comfortable.

And soon our differences to other generations and our similarities to our own generation began to define our interactions. At the same time, our society restructured to make this even easier; everything from graded schools to retirement communities grew in popularity and we grew apart from each other.

Recently there’s been a return to cross-generational and intergenerational communities and contexts because of the research being done on the importance of multigenerational community. (Source).

As crazy as it seems to us, it’s actually quite normal and quite healthy for generations to spend quality time together. It’s actually how we are made and we benefit from it.  But, because of the way society is currently structured, it feels uncomfortable and not fun.   And because of that, we think that we don’t have anything in common and we can’t be friends.

But, that’s simply not true.  It’s what we’ve become accustomed to but it’s not truth. The truth is we actually live better, more fulfilling lives when we are around each other.

Is it possible to reverse the trends?

Some amazing places are showing it is possible, like this intergenerational care home in the UK and these intergenerational communities in the US. They are built on the idea that we have more that unites us than separates us, more in common than difference. And I believe that can be done in the church as well. In fact, I believe it is one of the most important things we can do in our churches today. But how?

Start Slow

Realistically most of the generations that attend a church don’t even know one another’s names. They often don’t attend the same service times, they are in age-specific Sunday school classes that don’t intermingle with other classes, and they very often are in different parts of the church building.

The very first thing we can do is provide a way for generations within the church to learn each other’s names. Check out this cool resource that is a perfect way to create connections across generations: Pray for Me.

Create a Common Identity

As members of one faith community, this idea of a common identity should be relatively easy to create. Basically, using your church’s vision and mission, craft language that can be used across generations to say “This is who WE are.”  Don’t just use the language in the adult classes or church service where children and youth aren’t present.

Make sure that everyone knows they are part of the church and identify with the mission. As silly as this may seem, tee shirts are a great way to make this happen. Magnify the similarities NOT the differences.

Allow for Interactions

If your church is set up in a way that doesn’t allow for generations to mix and mingle (separate services, classes, and spaces) then it will be necessary to intentionally create space for interactions to take place. Meals together, intergenerational worship, and cross generational events are some ways to allow for that.

It’s also vitally important facilitate and encourage interactions outside of the church buildings. Some ideas:

• Have the kids who play sports or dance post their game or performance schedules and encourage older folks to attend.
• Ask the older generations videotape themselves telling stories about their memories of being in church and share videos with the kids once a month.
• Create a Homebound Ministry with the youth who go and visit people who aren’t physically able to come to the church.
• Host classes where skills can be taught between generations, older to younger and younger to older.
• Find places in the community where teams could volunteer and serve and send intergenerational groups out to serve with one another.

Show Up in Unconventional Ways

If there is always an adult leading the call to worship, let a child do it. If a child always takes up the offering, have a college student do it. Move chairs and tables around so that people end up sitting with other generations and making new friends.  Keep messaging that we have more in common than we think and help them discover common likes, dislikes, and activities. And when you find a commonality, celebrate it!

If there is an advertised “churchwide” event, then make sure the whole church is there, all ages, including children. 

Regardless of what our society has convinced us of, this is actually what we want. Our soul longs for community and our physical health and well-being benefit from it in ways we are just starting to understand. So, yes, while it will take some intentional work and some consistent messaging, ultimately the end goal is worth it.

WE will be THE body of Christ.

---