You Need Friends: Why Spiritual Friendship Matters More Than Ever
Every so often, a book comes along that doesn’t just reinforce what you already know but gives you a framework to articulate and expand upon it. You Need Friends by Jake Thurston is one of those books. It’s a much-needed conversation about the loneliness epidemic, the ways we reject the very community we crave, and what true, spiritual friendship looks like.
Thurston presents a compelling matrix of friendships based on the writings of St. Aelrad—carnal, worldly, and spiritual—showing not just the types of friends we have but the level of intimacy we cultivate in those relationships. He doesn’t stop at diagnosing our desperate need for connection but instead gives us practical ways to move toward the kind of deep, transformative friendships we were created for.
A Crisis of Loneliness
If you’ve followed ReFocus Ministry for any length of time, you know this is a topic we talk about a lot. We are living in an era of profound isolation. Despite being more “connected” than ever, our sense of belonging is eroding. It’s not just affecting adults—our children, youth, young adults and senior adults are existing without the intergenerational relationships that are essential for faith formation and lifelong discipleship.
Thurston builds on the work of John Mark Comer, who explains that spiritual formation happens through the stories we believe, the habits we cultivate, the relationships we nurture, and the environment we immerse ourselves in. This is precisely why spiritual friendships matter AND why meaningful intergenerational relationships matter. The people closest to us shape our identity, influence our beliefs, and ultimately form us. And when those relationships are anchored in Christ, they lead us deeper into the abundant life God intends.
You-Do-You Isn’t Enough
One of the insights from You Need Friends is Thurston’s critique of hyper-individualism. He writes, “The problem with You-do-you-ism is when we try to form our identities solely based on how we feel and what we want to hear without the wise support of others in a community to whom we can submit, honor, and learn.”
That line alone could be a whole sermon.
This is the heart of why intergenerational community is not optional—it’s essential. When we isolate ourselves within peer-based silos, whether in school, church, or social circles, we lose the richness of wisdom, perspective, and accountability that comes from a diverse, multi-generational faith community. We need relationships with those who have walked before us and those coming up behind us. Without them, we risk shaping our faith and identity in a vacuum, missing out on the support and challenge that true community provides.
The Church as a Friendship Hub
As I read You Need Friends, I couldn’t help but think about what this means for our churches. If friendships are a primary way we are spiritually formed, shouldn’t the church be the ultimate place for cultivating deep, meaningful relationships? Yet, too often, our church structures mimic the broader culture—dividing by age, interest, or life stage rather than intentionally fostering interwoven, Christ-centered friendships across generations.
What if we reimagined church not as a place we attend but as a community where we belong? What if we saw discipleship not as a program but as a web of relationships that shape us into the likeness of Christ?
This is why intergenerational ministry matters. It’s not just a trend or a niche interest—it’s the way God designed the body of Christ to function.
A Call to Friendship
If You Need Friends teaches us anything, it’s that friendship is not a luxury; it’s a necessity. Spiritual friendships—ones marked by vulnerability, truth, encouragement, and challenge—are essential for our growth and flourishing.
So, who are your spiritual friends? Who speaks truth into your life? Who do you turn to when faith feels fragile? And just as importantly, who are you pouring into?
If the church is to be a place where faith is formed, it must also be a place where friendships are nurtured. And that starts with us.
I highly recommend You Need Friends—not just as a book to read but as a conversation to engage in. Let’s lean into the friendships that God has placed in our lives and build the kind of community where no one walks alone.
Now Forming: Spring/Summer 2025 Cohorts
It’s that time! Spring Cohorts Forming (Runs May-July)
It’s time to start connecting generations. We all know it! But how?
And how do we do it in a way that is sustainable in a supportive environment? Let’s go deeper – deeper in our understanding of generational discipleship, lifelong faith formation, and intentional discipling community.
ReFocus Ministry Cohorts provide ministry leaders with the opportunity to expand their leadership skills in a twelve-week shared learning experience. Facilitated by Christina, a cohort group of 4-6 individuals from multiple denominational backgrounds meet weekly to explore and apply the principles of leadership in generational discipleship, intergenerational ministry, and church culture transition.
LEARN MORE HERE
Easter Photo Scavenger Hunt Downloadable
Are you looking for an alternative to an Easter Egg Hunt? Something that can bring the whole family together?
ReFocus Ministry is currently offering a FREE downloadable Easter Photo Scavenger Hunt. This family-friendly alternative to an Easter Egg Hunt engages the whole family in the story of Christ’s life, death, and resurrection. Plus, it lets them capture their memories in seven family photographs so they can relive the story
About the Author
Christina Embree is the founder and director of ReFocus Ministry. She holds a masters in ministry focused on Children, Youth, and Family Ministry and a doctorate in spiritual formation with a focus on age segregation and intergenerational ministry. In addition to coaching churches of multiple denominations and traditions all around the globe, Christina serves as the Minister of Generational Discipleship for the Great Lakes Conference of the Brethren in Christ and as a pastor at Plowshares Brethren in Christ in Lexington, Kentucky. She is widely recognized as a speaker and author in the areas of generational discipleship, intergenerational ministry, and family ministry. As the mother of three children, she is familiar with the challenges of faith at home and pastoral ministry. She along with her husband Luke share a love for the church, their community, and the global work of peace and restoration through Jesus.
Interested in having Christina visit your church, speak at your conference, or coach your team? Christina speaks on a wide range of topics related to children, youth, and family ministry with a unique focus on connecting generations for discipleship within your church. Her personalized approach allows you to pinpoint the needs of your community and gain the insight that you are looking for. Whether this is a volunteer team training and pastoral staff meeting or a ministerial conference, her experience and knowledge will help you determine the next step forward in creating lifelong disciples.
Learn more at https://refocusministry.org/speaking-coaching/ and fill our our Speaker Interest Form at https://forms.gle/5Xzs5BE8pfyU2top9 to receive a personalized response.
