So often, when we talk about discipleship at home, we hear a familiar statement: Parents (or caregivers) should disciple their children at home.
It sounds right. Biblical, even. But it’s fundamentally flawed—because of one word: should.
Should implies a choice. It suggests that parents and caregivers can opt in or opt out. That they might decide to take on discipleship—or outsource it to the church instead. But that simply isn’t true. There is no opting out.
Discipleship—faith formation—is happening. Right now. Every day. And it is happening primarily in the home.
The real question isn’t if parents are discipling their children. The question is how.
Until we shift that understanding, we’ll remain stuck in the same tug-of-war—between church and home, between responsibility and expectation—that continues to frustrate both families and ministry leaders.
A Disconnect We Can’t Ignore
Research continues to highlight a growing gap between how parents and ministry leaders view discipleship.
Studies from Barna Group show that many parents believe the church should play the primary role in their child’s spiritual development (SOURCE). Meanwhile, church leaders overwhelmingly believe that responsibility belongs first to parents. Both groups value discipleship.
Both care deeply about children’s faith. But they’re not aligned on who is leading the work.
That misalignment matters—because when responsibility is unclear, action often stalls. Parents may feel unequipped or assume the church will take the lead. Churches may build programs expecting parental reinforcement that never comes.
And in the middle of that gap are children, being shaped every day—whether intentionally or not. And that matters – a lot. Because while perspectives may differ, the research is remarkably consistent on one point:
Parents and caregivers have the greatest influence on a child’s lifelong faith.
Work from the Fuller Youth Institute reinforces this again and again (SOURCE).
The rhythms of everyday life—conversations at the dinner table, car rides, bedtime prayers, moments of conflict and forgiveness—are where faith becomes real. Not in a one-hour program. Not in a weekly lesson. But in thousands of ordinary moments over time.
This doesn’t diminish the role of the church—it clarifies it. The church cannot replace the home. But it can strengthen it.
Here’s where the conversation needs to shift from an either/or to a both/and.
According to Barna’s findings, children don’t just need engaged parents. They also need a wider circle of faith—trusted, non-parental adults who invest in their lives, model faith, and reinforce what’s being formed at home. In other words, discipleship is not meant to be isolated. It’s communal. Parents and caregivers are the primary faith formers—but they were never meant to do it alone. This is where the church comes in—not as a replacement, but as a partner.
Rethinking How the Church Shows Up
If we truly believe parents carry the greatest influence, then our role as the church must shift accordingly. Too often, we design ministries that require families to come to us: Come to this program. Attend this event. Join this group. And when attendance is low, we lament that families “say they want community but don’t show up.”
But what if we’re asking the wrong question? What if, instead of asking families to rearrange already full lives to fit into our schedules, we asked: How can we show up for them? What if the church became known not for its calendar—but for its presence?
- Offering rides when transportation is a barrier
- Dropping off meals during overwhelming seasons
- Babysitting so parents can rest
- Sitting on the sidelines at games or recitals
- Building genuine friendships, not just running programs
- Mentoring parents as they navigate faith in real time
Not as another ministry initiative. Not as a strategy to increase engagement. But as a lived expression of spiritual family. When the church shows up this way, something begins to change. Parents no longer feel like discipleship rests entirely on their shoulders. Churches no longer feel responsible for carrying what was never meant to be theirs alone.
Instead, we inhabit a shared calling. Yes, parents and caregivers have the greatest influence. But they were never meant to carry that influence in isolation.
And perhaps—just perhaps—when we stop saying parents should disciple their children, and start recognizing that they already are, we can finally move forward together. Not in competition. Not in confusion. But in community, together, for the sake of the next generation.
SPRING RESOURCES
Easter Photo Scavenger Hunt
Looking for an alternative to a traditional Easter Egg Hunt—something that invites the whole family into the story of Jesus? Our Easter Photo Scavenger Hunt is a FREE, downloadable activity that guides families through key moments in Christ’s life, death, and resurrection. Along the way, families capture seven photographs together, creating lasting memories while engaging the Easter story in a hands-on way.
Download: https://refocusministry.gumroad.com/l/easterhunt
Spring Prayer Bucket List Challenge
Gather the family together for a Spring Bucket List Challenge: Complete all the activities before fall kicks the bucket!Together you’ll find new ways to pray as a family and have a lot of fun along the way.
HINT: You can make this activity even more fun by supplying a bucket, some of the materials mentioned in the activities (such as a candle, stuff for S’mores, construction paper, etc.), and a printed copy of this challenge. Is it FALL where you live? Choose the Fall Bucket list when you check out
Download: https://refocusministry.gumroad.com/l/bucketlist
About the Author
Christina Embree is the founder and director of ReFocus Ministry. She holds a masters in ministry focused on Children, Youth, and Family Ministry and a doctorate in spiritual formation with a focus on age segregation and intergenerational ministry. In addition to coaching churches of multiple denominations and traditions all around the globe, Christina serves as the Minister of Generational Discipleship for the Great Lakes Conference of the Brethren in Christ and as a pastor at Plowshares Brethren in Christ in Lexington, Kentucky. She is widely recognized as a speaker and author in the areas of generational discipleship, intergenerational ministry, and family ministry. As the mother of three children, she is familiar with the challenges of faith at home and pastoral ministry. She along with her husband Luke share a love for the church, their community, and the global work of peace and restoration through Jesus.